One More Try Pt III
by McDimplesBaby
Summary: Continuation of One More Try parts one and two. Three years have passed since Eliza proposed to Arizona and they welcomed their daughter into the world. Is everything running as smoothly as they would like it to be? Rated M for future chapter. ARILIZA ***COMPLETE***
1. Chapter 1

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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One More Try: Chapter One

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ARIZONA'S POV

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 _Three years later…_

God, I want to be at home. No, I need to be at home. I've been stalling at work for almost an hour now and I'm beyond tired of this. Eliza and I aren't on the best terms right now but she won't talk to me. She won't discuss our issues and I cannot do anything about it. She has every right to be mad but I don't know how we are supposed to work through it if she won't even look at me. I don't know how I'm supposed to make this better between us if we are sleeping in separate rooms and she hates me. I know she does. I can see it in her eyes. I can see how she looks at me with a disgust I've never seen before. I go home. I see my kids. I go to bed. It's been that way for two weeks now and I know tonight isn't going to be any different. I don't want Dillon around this atmosphere we have between us. Nevaeh is too young to even lift her head, but Dillon isn't. She's also a mini version of me so she doesn't miss anything. I'm tired of having to be careful with my words around my eldest daughter, I really am. Things should be good and we shouldn't have hostility in our home. We do, though. We do…and it's killing me the longer it goes on.

Slipping into my car, my head falls back against my seat and I prepare myself for another night of agonizing silence. All I want is my wife to talk to me but she isn't backing down. She isn't giving me anything. I know she is tired and she is about to head back to work in a few days, but I need her words. I need something…anything from her. This was supposed to be a magical time for us. We have a seven-week old daughter and we finally felt complete. We decided a few months after our wedding two years ago that we wanted another baby, but Eliza wasn't able to conceive as easily as we thought she would. It was painstaking but totally worth it. Once that test gave us a positive result, everything else just fell into place. Dillon is so in love with Nevaeh that it actually breaks my heart. They're so adorable together and that is the one thing I've been holding onto since Eliza and I fought two weeks ago. I mean, she told me to sleep on the couch. She told me she didn't want me in her space. I know I messed up and I know that she sees it totally differently to me but I want to work through this. I need to work through this. Pulling my messages up, I send off a quick message and release a deep breath.

 ** _Heading home. We need to talk. I love you. Az x_**

Dropping my cell into my purse and firing up the engine, I pull away from my spot in the parking lot and head in the direction of home. The sound of my daughter laughing is the only thing putting a smile on my face right now but anything is better than nothing. Anything other than silence is good enough for me. I know Dillon will come rushing into my arms the moment I walk through the door, but I want my wife to follow behind her. I want Eliza to just give me one of her adorable smiles and everything to go back to the way it was two weeks ago. Two weeks ago before I'd gone on that night out. Two weeks ago when our life together was the most perfect it had ever been. Just the night before, we had snuggled down with our kids in front of the fire and did a movie marathon. Sure, Nevaeh doesn't know what the hell is going on in life, but it still felt perfect to me. It still felt intense and incredible. Just two days later…I felt like my life was falling apart. Two days later, I was expecting to come home to find Eliza and my kids gone.

I don't know what I'd have done if that had actually happened, but this has gone on for too long now. We have to talk. Even if she needs to shout and say nasty things to me…it's better than the nothing I've been getting from her. I can't live like that. I can't sit in silence every evening and wait for her to break it. I can't be the person who sits around waiting for a miracle because honestly, I'm not sure it will ever happen. I'm not sure she will ever love me again. _God, this is a mess._ A mess that I seem to have created and I don't even know how it happened. I mean, I do…but I didn't want it to happen. Eliza warned me, though. She warned me and now she seems to think that I did this intentionally to hurt her.

Heading down our street, I pull up the drive and cut the engine. My wife is home but I don't know what I'm about to be faced with. Honestly, I believe that if she had some place to go…she would have gone. She would have left me for the third and final time. I can't even begin to imagine what the situation with our girls would have been but I'm thankful that she has stayed. I'm thankful that she hasn't walked away from me even if it feels like we are living totally separate lives. _You are living separate lives, Arizona._ Sighing, I climb from my car and grab my bag from the passenger seat. Rummaging through it for my keys, my fingertips connect with them and I pull them out. Slipping them into the lock, I can hear Dillon laughing. It's settling me a little but it's not really changing anything for her mom's, I know that. I know that our kids aren't enough to keep us together and the longer my wife avoids me, the more distance is created between us.

Pushing the door open, I step into our home and it feels just as cold as it did this morning before I left for campus. "Momma!" The sound of my daughter's voice causing a smile to curl on my mouth, I close the door and she comes running. Lifting her into my arms, she wraps her own around my neck and squeezes me tight. "Missed you."

"I missed you, too." Pressing a kiss to her forehead, she wiggles out of my arms and her feet hit the floor again. Just like that…she is gone. To her playroom, but gone nonetheless. _Story of my life right now._ Moving further into our home, I drop my purse down on the dining table and pull my cell from it. Realising that Eliza didn't text me back, I glance up to find her with her back to me in the kitchen. "Hey…" I clear my throat. "You didn't text me back."

"Didn't receive one." Her tone cold, my shoulders slump and my heart sinks into my stomach just like it does every day when I get this reaction from her.

"Maybe if you checked your cell, you'd have found one from me…"

"Kinda busy with our children in case you hadn't noticed." She moves around the kitchen, her eyes never finding my own. "I'm sure you forget that sometimes."

"Oh, I don't." I counter. "I appreciate everything you do for our family whilst I'm working…"

"Family." She mumbles. "Some fucking family."

"Maybe you could watch the language?" I sigh. "Dillon hears everything and you know that."

"Mm…" She nods. "Let's hope she never hears about your antics."

"You know, I think I'm just going to spend some time with the kids and keep out of your way." My voice breaks. "This _is_ a family, Eliza… _our_ family." I approach the staircase. "And I'm sorry if you don't see me as being a part of it anymore." Shrugging my blazer from my shoulders, I kick off my heels and take the stairs two at a time. Every day it gets harder. Every day it becomes more painful to be around my wife. I thought she would have talked this out with me by now but she just wants to punish me with her silence instead. Her silence, and when she does feel like giving me some words…her attitude.

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Putting Nevaeh down for the night, I give myself a few more moments with her before leaving her to sleep peacefully. _I'm not sure I'll ever truly sleep again._ Backing up out of her room, I close the door over a little and head down the hall to my office. Dillon has been sleeping for the past hour or so and once she is down, we don't hear from her until the morning. I could watch her sleep forever but I have a ton of work on right now and I may as well spend some time on it since my wife can't bear to even breathe the same air as me anymore. Deciding to grab myself a glass of wine before I begin said work, I take the stairs quietly and reach the lower level of our home. Eliza is sitting on the couch watching one of her shows but I don't expect her to have anything to say to me. "Did you want a glass of wine?" I ask. Just like I do every night.

"Got one." She speaks barely above a whisper.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"I said I've got one." She says a little louder. "Do I need to check on the kids?"

"Unless you doubt my parenting abilities…no." Rounding the counter, I pour myself a glass of red and watch my wife for a few minutes. She knows I'm watching her but as usual, she isn't giving me anything. "Can we talk?"

"Nope."

"Eliza, please?" I know I'm begging her like I do every night but I'm wasting my time. She has no intentions of listening to anything I have to say so I don't know why I'm bothering. Honestly, I don't even know why we are still together. "Just…I love you." Sighing, I drag my feet back through our home and towards the staircase.

"Sure, yeah." She doesn't even say it back anymore. That's how I know things are serious. That's how I know she hates me.

"I have some work to do so I'm heading up to my office."

"Private business, huh?"

"Uh…just papers from class." I furrow my brow and turn back hoping to see her gorgeous eyes. Those eyes that hold nothing for me anymore. Nothing worth seeing anyway.

"Nothing from Debra?" She scoffs. "You spend a lot of time in your office lately…"

"And you know exactly why I'm spending time in my office," I reply. "When my wife doesn't want to be around me, where else am I supposed to go?"

"Wherever you like." She shrugs.

"Eliza, do you want me to leave?" I'm not sure I even want an answer to this question but I need to know what we are. I need to know if she will ever forgive me. "Do you want me to pack up my crap and go?"

"Do you want to go?" She counters, her eyes still fixed on the tv screen in front of her.

"No, I want you to talk to me." I breathe out. "I want you to tell me how you are feeling. What you're thinking…"

"Yeah?" She glances my way for the first time all night. "You want to know how I'm feeling?"

"Yes." I give her a sad smile. "Please?"

"Disgusted." She spits. "Hurt. Cheated. Pathetic."

"I get that." I drop my gaze. "It wasn't how you think it was, though…"

"And that matters?" She raises her eyebrow.

"Well, yeah." I scoff. "You are willing to take your friend's word over mine. Of course, it matters." Eliza has become close friends with one of the newer professors on campus. Becky seems great but since this all happened, I could strangle her. Eliza will not tell me what she said, but judging by the way she is treating me, it wasn't anything good. I know what happened in that bar two weeks ago and I know it wasn't anything that I wanted.

"Mm, and my friend saw it all so why shouldn't I believe her?"

"Because I'm your wife, Eliza." I close the distance between us a little but she tenses up. "I'm the woman you married. The woman you share two gorgeous kids with."

"You're also the woman who kissed someone else…" The venom in her voice is astounding. "You're the woman who kissed someone else and god knows what whilst I was at home looking after our five-week old daughter."

"I'm sorry." My voice breaks. "I don't know what Becky told you, but I want to give you my side."

"I don't want to hear it." She holds up her hands. "You kissed her and that is good enough for me."

"Is this punishment for the time you did the same thing?" I ask, genuinely intrigued. "When you kissed Sasha all those years ago and I wouldn't hear you out. Are you just trying to get me back?"

"That wasn't the same thing." She shakes her head in disagreement. "Don't try and make this seem less than it is."

"You wouldn't know because you won't hear me out." I grit my teeth. "You know what, I'm not doing this anymore." I back away. "If you want me out of here, just say. I'll find somewhere to go…"

"What about those two gorgeous kids we share?" She rolls her eyes. "The ones you didn't give a second thought when you were with her." _I don't know what the hell Becky has told her but I'm certain it is all totally wrong._

"I'll come by and see them every morning and every night. I'll take them whenever I can." I cry. "I can't live like this with you, Eliza. I love you more than anything but I can't exist in this house with you. It's killing me."

"You should have thought about that before you kissed Debra. I mean, I don't even want to know what else went on…" She laughs. "And if you want to go, then go…I'm not stopping you."

"No, and I'm pretty sure you wouldn't care." Tears fall freely from my eyes as I back up a little. "I'll pack up my stuff tomorrow."

"Awesome." She breathes out.

"I had taken the day off to hopefully be with you and the kids but I guess I'll do something with them both in the morning and then I'll get out of your way."

"You do what you gotta do." Her eyes return to the screen to my right. "I'm sorry I couldn't be what you needed…"

"Excuse me?" I furrow my brow.

"It all makes sense." She shrugs. "I was just getting over a birth and I wasn't feeling good. I know how sexually active we usually are and you clearly couldn't wait until I felt like myself again."

"Y-You haven't just said that." I close my eyes. "Don't dare tell me that I didn't want you."

"No, you probably did." She nods. "But I didn't want to be intimate. So…you went elsewhere. Debra, though?" She scoffs. "Of all the people, you chose her?"

"I didn't _choose_ anyone." I give her an incredulous look. "You really think I wanted to kiss her? You think I wanted her instead of you?" I spit. "Wow, that's fucked up."

"Yeah, and _you_ fucked up."

"Is this it for us?" My hands are trembling, my glass ready to fall from my grasp any moment now. "Are we over, Eliza?"

"Go to your office, Arizona." Taking the controller in her hand, she surfs the channels and completely dismisses my existence.

"I guess I have my answer." I set my wine glass down on the coffee table. "I'm going to bed. I won't be here when you wake."

"Fine."

"I'm taking the girls out…give you some time to yourself. You need a break." I want to hold her and I want us to be okay, but Eliza clearly doesn't want the same things. "And so you know, what happened with you and Sasha years ago? That is exactly what happened to me…"

"Goodnight, Arizona."

"The least you could have done was give me a chance." I shake my head. "The shit you have put me through over the years…I deserve more than this." Heading for the staircase, my body feels heavy and my eyes are burning. I do deserve the opportunity to explain myself but I know better than anyone just how stubborn Eliza can be. I'll miss being around in the night for my kids, but I'd never expect my wife to leave. I'd never expect her to pack up and go and she knows that. It's why she's made no attempt to do it. So, I'll allow her whatever space she needs and I'll be here for my kids whenever they need me. I've never felt so detached from my life as I do right now and it's only causing me to slowly die inside. I can't live this way. Eliza hates me and I know that, but our kids don't deserve this. Dillon doesn't deserve any of this. The silence. The short sentences. She deserves complete happiness and I'll give her that one way or another.

 _Eliza can have this place. It's brought me nothing but bad luck anyway…_

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 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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One More Try: Chapter Two

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ELIZA'S POV

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Waking to the sound of complete silence, I glance at the clock and it's a little after ten in the morning. Nevaeh woke in the night but when I got there, I found Arizona on the floor, her hand through the bars of her crib. She settled immediately but Arizona has that touch. That comforting nature. It's always been my favorite thing to watch, but lately, I can't even be in the same room as her. I'm so hurt by what she did that I literally cannot look at her some days. I hate how I'm feeling but I'm not sure we can ever move past this. It's why I told her she was free to leave last night. Maybe a break would be good for us, I don't know. I just don't know what else I'm supposed to do. I won't let her come anywhere near me and I can see that absolute heat break in her eyes…but it's not registering with me. I can't muster up any sympathy at all for my wife. I hate what we've become, but she has truly crushed me. She has only admitted to a kiss, but I suspect something more happened. Becky was horrified when she was telling me about the night out with the other staff from campus, so I know something more must have happened. She's had my back on more than one occasion lately and she's a genuinely awesome person. We just clicked when she joined the staff. Like, sisters that never were. She loves our kids and is always at our place hanging out. Arizona never seemed to mind, but why would she? We're all friends. At least, we were. _I don't think she likes her much anymore._ She is just being a friend to me, I know that. Arizona wont see it that way, though. I wouldn't usually allow someone to influence me, but it all makes sense. I knew something was going to happen and Arizona's complete disregard for the situation only enforces my opinion that she wanted it.

I appreciate Becky being honest with me but it's only ruined my relationship and sometimes I wish she hadn't told me anything about that night out. How Arizona and Debra got cozy and close. How they danced together. How they kissed. How my wife made a fool of me in front of our colleagues. I think it was around the time when they both went to the bathroom that I told her I couldn't hear anymore. I mean, why would Arizona do this to me? I thought we were in love. I thought we were happy. That's how it felt. Before that night out happened, I felt so in love that I could have burst with happiness. Some days I woke to wonder if it was all real. We have two beautiful girls and the love we have for them is like nothing I've ever experienced before. Arizona, too. Everything just clicked. Our life. Our family. Complete. It was complete.

Debra has been at the University for a couple of years now and at first, everything seemed fine. She seemed like any other colleague. Then I noticed the way she was around my wife. How she couldn't form a sentence. How she would watch her from afar. I just…I saw how she reacted to my wife's presence and I didn't like it. I warned Arizona. I told her the things I was seeing. Sure, she laughed it off but I wouldn't expect anything less. My wife has never looked at another woman. That doesn't surprise me, though. If she's in, she's _all_ in. I knew I didn't have to worry about anything because Arizona never once talked about Debra. She never even insinuated that something could be wrong. _Maybe she's just good at keeping it quiet._ Maybe she has been cheating throughout my pregnancy, I don't know. Maybe even before that.

I know I shouldn't think like that, but she was spending more time on campus. She was coming home later than she originally told me she would. Unexpected meetings after work hours and drinks with the department when I was heavily pregnant. Sure, she always said she would stay home, but I guess she knew I would insist she went. I'm not her keeper. She is free to do as she pleases. I just didn't think that would extend to doing _who_ she pleases. The thought of her with someone else makes me want to throw up, it really does. Especially when that person is the one woman I warned her about. _She just didn't see it._

Honestly, I don't know what is going on with us right now but I know none of it is good. I know that this is just the beginning of our end. I can feel it. I can feel that huge gap between us and I don't think it can ever be bridged. _I'm not sure I want it to either._ Something just feels off about all of this. Maybe it's my hormones, I don't know. Maybe the fact that I'm not feeling good about myself is playing a part in this and I'm pushing her away unnecessarily. That isn't how it feels, though. In this moment, I _feel_ like she has been lying to me. I _feel_ like she has been sleeping with that woman for way longer than I thought. I just feel terrible about all of this and I don't even know how to begin moving forward.

I'm worried about Dillon. Arizona said that she was leaving today and I know how much our daughter craves her other mother's attention. Her presence. I know how much she loves to spend time with Arizona and I fear that this could create problems. _I stand by what I said, though._ Arizona is free to leave at any time. Sure, this is technically _her_ home, but I'm sure I've done enough to warrant staying. Where would I go with the kids if she kicked me out? It's times like this when I wish I had more friends. I don't really have anyone to turn to except for Becky and right now, I need to keep her out of this situation. Why? Because she is a part of it. What good would come of asking for her advice? She may just tell me more things I don't want or need to hear. She may just make this all worse. Unintentionally, of course.

Climbing the stairs, I stretch my body out and for the first time in a long time, I feel well rested. I've had a significantly longer sleep than I have in weeks and I feel good. Well, as good as someone can feel when their wife is about to leave. I don't know how we even came to be in this position but we are, and this time…it's all on Arizona. I stuck to my promise. I didn't leave again. She is the one who chose to kiss that woman. She is the one who chose to allow her hands to be on her body instead of mine. She is the one who created this mess. That I'm sure of.

I suppose I can understand why it happened. I mean, my wife hasn't received any attention from me since around seven months into my pregnancy. I struggled. Nothing was how it was when Arizona carried Dillon and I didn't anticipate just how hard it would be. I suffered from severe headaches and super high blood pressure and it was just a total nightmare towards the end. Her pregnancy was pretty smooth and enjoyable but mine was a nightmare. Then when Nevaeh arrived, I had several sutures and I've been in pain up until around a week ago. I'm feeling much better, but it kinda knocked my confidence when I knew the damage after giving birth. Arizona seemed to be okay with it, but I'm beginning to wonder if her persistent reassurance was due to the fact she was getting sex elsewhere. It all makes sense. I'd like to believe that one day she would have found me attractive again, but that no longer matters. She won't have to dig deep to find that spark again because I'm calling it quits. I'm ending this and we will love our kids, separately.

I can't lie beside her when I know she's cheated. She made reference to what happened with Sasha and I a few years ago but we were barely even together at that point. We're married now. It isn't as simple as kissing someone and expecting to get away with it. It isn't as simple as walking into our home and expecting my arms to wrap around her and tell her everything will be okay. Why? Because it won't. It won't be okay because she has broken that trust between us and I feel like I'll never be good enough for her again. I wanted to be the hot wife who gave birth and didn't have a single mark on her body but I'm not. She is that person. She still looks incredible to this day and honestly, I sometimes wonder if she ever actually gave birth. Her body is immaculate. Mine? It's ruined. It's damaged. Debra may not have the greatest personality but I'll bet her body is a damn sight nicer to look at right now. I'm trying to get back to a good place with how I feel, but Arizona's cheating has kinda caused that to stall. _Maybe it's time to just focus on me._

It's been two weeks since I've even touched her skin. Held her hand. Kissed those lips I've come to know and love for so long that I don't know how I feel about losing them. I don't know how I feel about any of this but in this moment…Arizona and I are quickly becoming nothing. I don't want to hate her. I don't want to hate the woman who gave me everything I could ever want. I don't want to…but I do. At least, that's how it feels. I don't even want to hear what she has to say and I haven't done since the morning after it happened and she told me about it. I wanted to throw up. I wanted to run away and never look back. _Ha, I've done that before today so it's kinda lost its effect._ She's right when she says I put her through hell, but I'm not sure I agree with her deserving more. The fact of the matter is, she kissed another woman on the dance floor of a bar. She kissed another woman when I'm supposed to be the only one for her. _She said she didn't want it, though._ Yeah, she threw that curveball in there last night before she disappeared into the guest room. I haven't thought much about it, but I don't want to. I'm tired of thinking about it. I'm tired of wondering how long they went for. How she moaned beneath her. _I'm tired of everything._

The sound of a key turning in the lock as I pour myself my morning coffee, I prepare myself for the heartbreak we are both about to face. It's inevitable and I guess it has been for the last two weeks. In the back of my mind, I knew we were over the moment she admitted it to me. I'm sure she didn't want to tell me what happened, but a night out with staff will bring out the truth. She knew Becky would have told me sooner or later so I appreciate that she was the one to do it.

Watching as Dillon comes running into our home, Arizona moves inside and closes the door, Nevaeh safely in her car seat and sleeping soundly. "Hey, Miss Dillon…" Arizona gives her that look and our daughter stops dead in the middle of the living room. "Shoes?"

"Sorry, Momma." She sighs. "Take them off now." Dropping to the floor, they're flung off in seconds. One landing on the coffee table, the other on the couch. Giving my daughter a smile, she runs towards me and I pull her up into a hug. "Morning, mommy."

"Morning, beautiful girl." I lift her into my lap. "You had a good morning with Momma?"

"The best." Her little head nuzzled into my chest. "Wanted you too."

"Next time, okay?"

"Kay." She sighs, evidently in need of a nap.

"How about some Disney with blanket?"

"Mm." I can see her eyes closing and it melts my heart. She is going to be asleep within the minute but that's how it usually goes. Watching as Arizona sets down Nevaeh in her car seat, she runs her fingers through her hair and shoves her hands in her back pockets. Putting Dillon down for a nap, she snuggles into her blanket and tugs at the tag on the edge of it. Well, what is left of it anyway...

"I'm just going to head up and grab some things, okay?" My wife's voice barely above a whisper, she searches my face but I don't even have any words for this moment. I can't believe it's happening, but I think it's the right thing to do for us right now. We're in a bad place and we will only grow to hate each other. "Would that be okay?"

"It's your home, Arizona." I head back to my coffee cup. "Do what you like…"

"It's _our_ home." She states. "But whatever. I'll be out of your way in a few minutes." Watching her approach the staircase, I can feel the heaviness in her body. I can feel the complete inner turmoil she has going on. Settling back in my seat, I release a deep sigh and close my eyes. Our life has been incredibly beautiful until a couple of weeks ago and I'm not sure where it went wrong. Where _I_ went wrong. Other than the way I feel about myself, I thought we were okay. I thought she still loved me. I never imagined she would fall into someone else's arms, that's for sure.

A few minutes later, I hear footsteps descending the staircase. Glancing up from my coffee cup, I watch Arizona drop a bag to the floor close to the front door and head back towards me. "I'll get the rest of my stuff in the next few weeks. My life is here so I need to find a place to live before I take it all."

"Where are you staying?"

"Alex's couch." She clears her throat. "Didn't imagine I'd ever be in this position again but here I am." She removes her front door key from her set and places it down on the counter between us. "Thought I had it all with two beautiful kids and an amazing wife…but I'm somehow spending my future on Alex's couch."

"When will you be coming by to see them?"

"Once I've gotten this stuff to the bar." She states. "I'll be back in a few hours and I'm not leaving until they're sleeping for the night."

"Of course." I give her a nod in agreement. Tugging at her fingers, her head drops between her shoulders and a tear slips down her face.

"I just…" She shakes her head. "I don't know what you want to do with this." She slips her wedding ring from her finger and places it down beside her key. "Maybe pawn it and buy the kids something, I don't know."

"Arizona…"

"I have to go." She backs up. "You promised to love me no matter what, Eliza. You just…you won't even give me a chance to explain." My eyes fixed firmly on the wedding band sitting between us, she backs up and stumbles, catching herself on a piece of furniture. "I know that something happened and you got hurt, but _you_ have really broken me one final time. I don't know if this was your plan from the day you met me, but I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry and I won't try anymore. I'm done with trying. You won't even listen."

"Just…" Sighing, I've got nothing. Nothing at all to give her.

"I'm going to miss being around for them." She crouches down and presses a kiss to Nevaeh's head. "But I want them in my life, Eliza. I need them." She says with complete determination. "I don't _have_ anything else now…"

"I wouldn't stop you from being with them." I furrow my brow. "You know I wouldn't…"

"I also never thought we would come to this but we have." She climbs back to her feet. "I just…I don't want to leave them."

"What about me?" I ask.

"You don't love me anymore so I have no reason to share a home with you…"

"That's not true." I shake my head.

"Come on, Eliza." Arizona scoffs. "You can't even look at me. You know I want nothing more than to hold you and tell you how much I love you." She sighs. "I can't do that, though. Just…what do you believe happened?"

"You cheated." I shrug. "It's not about what I believe. It's about what _actually_ happened."

"And if you knew the truth?" She raises an eyebrow.

"I do know the truth, Arizona." I sigh. "You fell into bed with Debra…"

"Wait!" She furrows her brow. "You think I slept with her?" She asks, incredulously. "You think I slept with another woman?"

"You did, Arizona…"

"Wow. I'm done." She holds up her hands. "That kiss…it happened but I didn't want it to. It happened and _that_ is all. Y-You think I would ever touch another woman?"

"Arizo-"

"No." She cuts me off. "Just no." Grabbing her bag, she heads for the door and pulls it open. "I may have gotten myself into a stupid situation but I'd never do that to you, Eliza. I'd never touch another woman." Releasing a deep breath, she stares into my soul. "I know you're hurt, but what you have just said? No, that's way outta line. You're freaking crazy." My mouth falling open from her reaction, I'm beginning to wonder if I've made a mistake. I mean, we need space…I know that. We need space, but I think I may have just created an even bigger space between us. One I'm not sure will ever lessen again. _Damn, I need to speak to Becky._

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 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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One More Try: Chapter Three

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ARIZONA'S POV

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How the hell am I back here? At Alex's apartment. On his couch. Nothing but a bag of clothes with me. I mean, I'm a successful professor. I have two kids. This shouldn't be happening. I shouldn't be crashing on my best friends couch at the age of thirty-seven…I should be at home sharing the day with my kids. Sure, I'm headed back there in the next hour or so, but that's my home. It's not a place where I visit my kids. It's not a place where I spend some time. It's my fucking home. It always has been. I thought it _always_ would be. Seems I was wrong. Seems my life will be forever fucked up, regardless of who I have in my life. I know how this is going to go. Eliza will become more distant. My kids will come to hate me for not being there. She will meet someone else and I'll be left out in the cold, our kids having a new mom in their lives. I'll be forgotten and it's as simple as that. Nothing will ever be the same again. Nothing will ever be how it should be.

Even after everything Eliza has said to me, I still love her. She knows I'll never love anyone the way I love her. She also knows I won't even try. _She thinks I slept with Debra._ I mean, how messed up do we have to be behind the scenes for her to even think that? Does she honestly believe that I would hurt her in that way? She knows the crap I went through when Abbi cheated. She knows exactly how hurt I was. How small I felt. To even imagine doing something like that to my wife is enough to turn my stomach, it really is.

"Hey!" Startled when Alex appears behind me, I turn to face him and give him a sad smile. "Figured you could use this?"

"Oh, no." I back away from the bottle of scotch he is holding out between us. "I'm going back to see my kids."

"Yeah?" He smiles. "Maybe you guys will work it out."

"There is nothing to work out, Alex." I sigh. "She thinks I slept with Debra."

"Really?" He wrinkles his nose. "That woman is out of her mind, Zo. It's always something with her…"

"I mean, I get that she's mad about the kiss." I shove my hands into the back pocket of my jeans. "I'm mad at myself, too. She just…"

"She accused you." He closes the distance between us and pulls me into a hug. "I get it, okay?"

"My life is falling apart, Alex." I cry. "This is the end for us. I know it is."

"You don't know that." He replies.

"I do." I pull back. "You don't see how she looks at me. She hates me. She doesn't even tell me she loves me anymore."

"This is fucked up, Robbins." He runs his hand over his face. "What are you going to do?"

"Love my kids…" I nod. "They're the only thing I have left." My heart breaking at my own admission, I feel like the end is near for me. I feel like I'm one day going to have nothing. I mean, why would my kids love me and look up to me? When they're older and they know why we split, they will be disgusted just like their other mother is. Why would they want someone like me in their lives? I know I'm beating myself up more than I should be, but Eliza seems to be enjoying it, so why shouldn't I join her in that? Why shouldn't I feel totally fucking useless like I always seem to?

"You're going to be okay, Zo." Alex pulls me back into his arms. "I've got you, okay?"

"Thanks." I sniffle. "I just…I should go."

"Want me to come with you?" He asks, his eyes finding mine. "Could use some time with my girls…"

"That's sweet but I think I should go alone." I smile. "You know, get used to it now rather than drag it out…"

"Yeah, I get that." He shrugs. "You think I can still spend time with them, though? I mean, in the future?"

"Damn right." I furrow my brow. "Can you imagine the uproar from Dillon if Uncle Alex wasn't around as well as her mom?"

"You know they're welcome here anytime, okay?"

"I know." I squeeze his hand before releasing it. "I don't know what time I'll be back. Maybe eight or thereabout?"

"Whenever you get back." He moves through his apartment. "You know, I think I'll get one of the guys to cover the bar tonight. You and I could use some time together."

"Yeah?" My smile widens a little. I know he works hard…we both do, but I miss spending time with him. "You wouldn't mind?"

"Not at all." He shakes his head. "I'll figure something out and I'll be here waiting for you when you get back from your place."

"It's not my place anymore." I give him a knowing look. It's going to take time to get used to all of this change, but I've got this. I have to have it. I can't allow my kids to see me fall apart so I will go there and I will put on my best smile. I will go there and love them just like I always do. If Eliza wants to take some time for herself whilst I'm around, that's fine. I wouldn't expect her to want to be in my company. She's made it painfully clear that she doesn't want me around and that is something I have to deal with. If I have to spend the rest of my life being hated by her, then I will. So long as I see my kids…the rest no longer matters. She's made her feelings known and that is that. There is no more left to say.

"You've got this, okay?" Alex heads for his apartment door with me. "If you need me, call me."

"Thanks, Alex." I give him my best smile but he sees right through me. He knows that inside I'm dying. Slowly, and painfully. "I'll see you tonight…"

"Damn right you will."

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Climbing from my car, my heart pounds in my chest at the thought of seeing Eliza again. I don't know what mood or attitude I'm about to receive but I'm used to it now. At least, I should be. This didn't just happen overnight, so yeah…I should be totally fine with her attitude. It's come to be all I know. Maybe it's unintentional from her but I'm not so sure. Honestly, it feels intentional but she believes what she believes and I'm done with trying to work through it. She doesn't want to so what's the point getting my own hopes up for it to come to nothing? What's the point in even holding a conversation with her? Climbing the steps to my old home, I give myself a moment on the porch before curling my hand into a fist and knocking a little louder than I usually would. Hearing movement, the door opens and my wife is standing on the other side. "Can I come in?" I ask, my eyes fixed on the space between us.

"Of course." She steps aside and I move past her. Usually, I'd press a kiss to her lips but we aren't those people anymore. We may still be married, but we aren't together. I have to remember that. Every time I think about smiling at her. Every time I catch her scent. Her eyes. Her beautiful personality. Every time that happens…I have to remember that she is no longer mine. Sure, she's not anybody's…but she definitely isn't mine. Moving further inside, I find Becky sitting on the couch, my youngest daughter in her arms. Glancing back at my wife, I furrow my brow and she gives me a look of confusion. "What?" She asks.

"You knew I was coming back."

"And?" She moves past me and further into the living room.

"And she is here…" I scoff. "With my kid in her arms."

"She always comes by." Becky senses that this is about to blow up and stands, handing my daughter over to me.

"You can leave now," I say with complete hatred in my voice. "You've caused enough trouble and I don't want you here while I'm visiting my kids."

"V-Visiting?" Becky furrows her brow. "Eliza…" She switches her gaze. "You didn't tell me Arizona had left."

"Because it isn't your concern." Eliza shrugs. "I'll call you, okay?"

"Sure." Her best friend nods. "Good to see you, Arizona." She brushes past me, her eyes anywhere but on me. "I hope you guys can work this out."

"Just leave…" I breathe out. "I don't want you here."

"Enough, Arizona." Eliza stands and gives me a knowing look as she sees her friend out on the porch. "I don't need this."

"No, me neither," I mumble. Taking a seat with my daughter snuggled into my chest, my head rests back on the couch and I close my eyes. "I'm so sorry, baby girl." My voice barely above a whisper, I can feel the tears welling in my eyes. I can't cry. I won't allow myself to. "Mommy is so sorry for ruining our family…" Holding her securely against me, I'm not sure I can leave this house later this evening. I'm not sure I can bring myself to leave my family and not be here in the night. Sounds kinda crazy but night time is my favorite with them. I'd rather sit awake watching my kids than sleep. I don't know why…but something about them sleeping is just so perfect. Knowing that we created these two tiny humans…yeah, it's something special to me. "I promise I'll always be here for you…" Releasing a deep breath in a desperate attempt to hide my emotions, Eliza comes back into the room and I can feel her presence beside me. "Please don't make them hate me…" The words fall from my mouth unexpectedly but it's how I feel regardless.

"I-I wouldn't." She drops down beside me. "Our kids are so in love with you, Arizona."

"But you're not." I give her a sad smile.

"I just…"

"You don't need to explain. You don't even need to be here." I shake my head. "I know you hate me. You only have to look at me for me to know that."

"I don't feel good." She drops her gaze. "About any of this."

"At least you feel something about it." I scoff. "Wasn't sure I'd even get a conversation from you when I was headed back over here."

"I don't know what you want me to say…" She sighs. "Dillon is asking where you are and I don't even know what to say to her. What do I tell her?" _Maybe that you don't love me or want me anymore?_

"Where is she?" I ask, my brow furrowed.

"Painting…" She smiles. "The walls, but painting nonetheless."

"Can I see her?" My voice breaks. "She should know that I love her."

"She knows you love her, Arizona." Eliza stands. "I'll tell her you're here." Disappearing towards the playroom, I hold Nevaeh tight and try to hold onto something between us all. I can feel my family literally disappearing, but I don't know how to stop it. Becky shouldn't be here spending time with my kids. I should be. That should be me. Every minute of every day.

"Momma!" Dillon screeches. "You home."

"Hey, big girl." I brush a tear from my jawline. "Come here…" Shifting a little, Dillon climbs into my lap and my kids are now taking up both arms. "You behaving for mommy?"

"Mm." She nuzzles into the crook of my neck. "Where you go?"

"Oh, I had things to do." I swallow hard.

"Home now." I can feel her smiling against the skin of my neck but it's only making all of this so much harder.

"Dillon…" I clear my throat and she looks up at me. "Momma has to stay with Uncle Alex for some time…"

"No want you to." She gives me one of her furrowed brows. Usually, I'd laugh, but this right now is anything other than funny. "Stay here."

"I can't, big girl." My emotions evident in my voice, I hope my daughter doesn't recognize it. I don't want her to be upset and I don't want her to see me upset. Falling apart is not an option right now. "Uncle Alex wants to hang out with you real soon, though."

"Why you go?" Her bottom lip trembles and I don't know how I'm holding on right now. I don't know how I'm even still breathing. _I'm going because your mommy doesn't love me anymore._

"I will be here when you wake…" My smile widens but it's fake. It's so very very fake. "And, I will make breakfast, okay?"

"Kay." She climbs down from my lap and my heart breaks as her shoulders slump. Watching her tiny body disappear, my eyes close and tears fall freely from my eyes. I'm not sure they'll ever stop again.

"What the hell have I done…" My shoulders shaking as sobs wrack my body, Eliza simply stares. She's just…staring. "You're loving this, aren't you?"

"W-What?" She furrows her brow. "What the hell am I loving?"

"This." I spit. "Seeing me suffer. The punishment. You just…you are intent on ruining my life."

"Excuse me?" She seems a little taken aback by my comment. "You think I wanted this? You should take a look at yourself, Arizona. You cheated…not me."

"She kissed me, Eliza." I shake my head. "She kissed me and I didn't want it. Why can't you just accept that?"

"Because I don't believe you." Her words hitting me square in the chest, I simply give her a nod in agreement and stand. My arms still wrapped around my youngest, I pace the floor in front of the fireplace and study her tiny features.

"So, we're done then?" I ask as Nevaeh sucks her bottom lip into her mouth, her hands curled into tiny fists beneath her chin. "You have your opinion and that's it?"

"I guess so." She sighs.

"Then I should contact my lawyer, right?" Those words tearing my heart in two, my tears have finally dried. "I mean, you'll want a divorce…"

"I need space, Arizona." She admits. "I need space from you."

"So, you don't want me to come by?" I furrow my brow. "How am I supposed to see the kids if you want space from me?"

"We will figure something out." She shrugs.

"You really don't care, do you?" I laugh. "Whatever I do…you're not interested."

"Right now, no." She runs her fingers through her hair. "When you realize what you've done, we can talk. When you actually feel bad about cheating on me…we can hold a conversation."

"Y-You think I don't feel bad?" I ask, my eyebrow raised. "You think I don't know how stupid I've been?"

"I'm not sure you do…"

"Who the hell are you?" I ask, incredulously. "You certainly aren't the woman I fell in love with. The woman I married and had two kids with…"

"Oh, that's me." She disagrees. "I haven't changed…you have."

"We have both changed over the years, Eliza. We have both grown and become different people. I still loved you, though. One thing I never lost was my love for you."

"But you felt it appropriate to cheat…"

"It was a kiss." I close my eyes. "A kiss that meant nothing and never will."

"I'm glad you see it that way." She smiles. "Why did you go to the bathroom with her?" She asks, her eyes filled with accusations.

"Uh, I didn't." I snort. "I went to the bathroom alone."

"Mm, not what I've heard." She disappears into the kitchen. "And the dancing? The hands all over each other?"

"Then I must have banged every member of staff that night…" I scoff. "Everyone was dancing with everyone. The guys included. Jesus, you'll be asking me if I'm pregnant next."

"That isn't even funny."

"Really?" I laugh. "A while ago you would have found that funny."

"Yeah, well a while ago…you hadn't fucked another woman, Arizona." Her voice barely audible, she gives me a look of disgust and I back away.

"I'm leaving." I shake my head. "I need some air and my daughter is coming with me…"

"She is due a feed soon." She gives me a knowing look. "She should stay here…"

"So, I will do that." I shrug as I prepare to leave for a while with Nevaeh. "Don't ever think that I'm not capable of looking after my kids, Eliza. If you want to play games…do it. I'll destroy you, though. If you want to take them from me…I'll take you down, I swear to god."

"What the hell are you talking about?" She closes the distance between us.

"I know what you're doing." I shake my head. "You are waiting until I'm at my weakest and I will show up here one day to find you gone. My kids included."

"I wouldn't do that."

"You know, you have changed so much that I don't know what you would be capable of." I study her eyes, still void of any emotion where I'm concerned. "I cried myself to sleep last night wishing you would ask me to come to bed. Our bed. I cried and I tossed all night. You may think that this is all finished between us, but I woke this morning hoping you would ask me to stay. I woke hoping you would have realized that we are supposed to be together." Stepping back, I don't even recognize my wife anymore. "Now, though? Now, I can't even look at you."

"You can talk…" She scoffs, a laugh falling from her mouth. The mouth I used to kiss. The mouth that used to work my body incredibly.

"This conversation is over." I hold up my hands as I secure my daughter into her car seat. "I just hope you know what you're doing."

"What does that even mean?"

"You need space…you can have that." I nod. "Meanwhile, I will be meeting with my lawyer and having divorce papers prepared. I'm not going to hang on forever hoping you will one day love me again, so whatever this is that you're doing…I hope it was worth it." I smile. "I hope putting me through this is worth it because I'm not going to fall at your feet, Eliza. I made a mistake. I made a mistake and I know I'm going to spend the rest of my life with it hanging over me. I've tried to talk to you and I've tried to apologize."

"Arizona, don't say that…" She furrows her brow. "I said I needed space…"

"I mean, I was stupid to even think that we could be okay." I head for the door. "You just want me to be forever waiting, well I'm not doing it. I'm not coming by here every day and hoping you've realized the mistake _you_ made."

"The mistake I made?" She counters. "I haven't done anything wrong."

"No, but you are prepared to live a life without me and to me…that is a mistake." I give her one final glance. "You are free to believe and listen to whoever you want. Friends, family, strangers…I don't care. If you believe that I don't love you, then I will leave you with that opinion of me. It was a kiss, Eliza. You are really willing to end everything we have for a kiss." I shake my head. "A freaking kiss."

"It was more than that…"

"Except it wasn't." I square my shoulders. "Have Dillon ready when I come back. She is staying at Alex's with me tonight."

"Uh, she's not." My wife shakes her head.

"She shouldn't miss out on time with me because you are being a total bitch." I shrug. "Have her ready or I will do it myself when I get back." Closing the door behind me, I release a deep breath and steady myself. I don't want us to be like this but it's the only way I can get my thoughts across. Eliza wants me to crumble in front of her. She wants to see me as a mess who can't keep herself together but it won't work. She wants me to feel awful and I do. I do, but I'm over this idea of her thinking what she wants to think. She has completely overreacted to what happened and I'm done with her shit, I really am. She is thriving off of what she is putting me through, I can see it in her eyes. I know I messed up by getting myself into the situation I did, but she can't punish me forever. She can't punish me for something she believes happened…that really didn't.

 _I'd never sleep with another woman. Never…_

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 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**

 **Hoping to get another chapter out pretty soon if you guys want it and can handle it...**


	4. Chapter 4

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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One More Try: Chapter Four

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ELIZA'S POV

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 _Four weeks later…_

God, I look a mess. I have done for the past month or so, but I'm really feeling it today. I've just had a moment in my office and now I'm trying to pull myself together. I called Becky a little while ago but she's avoiding me. She has been since Arizona came by a few weeks ago and she was there. I don't know what's going on with her, but I'm trying to be her friend. If she has stuff going on, I want to be there for her. She's been awesome when I've needed her so I should return the favor. She doesn't even answer my calls anymore and I'm beginning to think it's something I've done. I don't know what since I can't think of anywhere that I went wrong but I have no other explanation for it. I have no explanation for anything my life has become lately. I mean, one minute I'm the happiest woman in the world because I'm looking at my kids, and the next…I'm an emotional wreck because I'm alone. I'm alone because I treated Arizona like complete shit and she doesn't even contact me anymore. She shows up at home to spend the evening with the kids and then she leaves. She doesn't even say goodbye to me anymore. I know I had all kinds of ideas in my head but I said some hurtful things to her a few weeks ago and she threatened me with her lawyer.

When she comes by, she doesn't look at me. She doesn't hold a conversation with me if the kids aren't in the room. She simply sits quietly and waits until it's time for Dillon to go down for the night. Once our daughter is sleeping, she slips on her jacket and she walks out of the door. Literally. Every night. The distance between us couldn't be any bigger than it is right now but the damage is done. I told her I needed space from her and she has given me that. She has given me it and then some. I can't complain, though. I mean, I asked for this. I asked for us to separate. I know she didn't want her mistake to result in any of this but I couldn't be around her. I couldn't sit with her and pretend everything was okay when it wasn't. What good would that have been to either of us?

I've spent the past three weeks thinking. Thinking hard, actually. I know she kissed another woman and I still believe that maybe there was more to it, but are we really damaged beyond repair? If Arizona is being honest and it was nothing more than a kiss…I feel like I have to fix this. I have to try, at least. I'm scared, though. I'm scared because I brought this ending on all by myself. For weeks…she asked me to talk to her. For weeks…she tried to apologize and explain herself. I just wouldn't give her anything. I was so mad at her for what she had done that I just saw red and silence was the only way I knew how to deal with things. Usually, I'd have run, but we are past that now. I'm past all of that. _I'm supposed to face my problems head-on._

I haven't been doing that, though. I haven't faced anything at all and the more I sit here in my office, the more I want to go and see my wife. She hasn't handed over any papers yet, but I know it's going to happen sooner or later. I still wear my ring, but hers is sitting on our dresser at home. I hated seeing her remove it but I guess she had every right to. I told her to leave so why would she live a lie with a wedding ring on her finger? I haven't done anything lately to show her that we could one day be okay, so no…I don't have any right to judge her decision to not wear it. My cell buzzing on the desk beside me, I'm surprised to find Arizona's name flashing on my screen. I can't remember the last time I received a message from her, but it feels good. Seeing her name in my life feels weirdly good.

 ** _Can you keep Dillon up a little later tonight?_**

Deciding against messaging her back, I grip my cell and stand. If she is okay with texting me, I will head to her office and speak to her face to face instead. Honestly, I didn't want to approach her for fear of something nasty coming out of her beautiful mouth but I guess I should try. I miss seeing her around campus. It was always my favorite version of her. The skirt. The heels. How her hair always fell so perfectly around her strong shoulders. _I'm still incredibly attracted to her and I know I always will be._ I know that no matter how mad I was at her, she will always be the one woman I think about every night before I fall asleep. Whether it is good or bad thoughts, she is on my mind regardless.

Rounding the corner, her office comes into view and my stomach flips. I've been thinking about asking her to stay for dinner one evening but I don't know if that is too much for her. I can see how hard it is for her to even be in our home, so dinner may be totally out of the question. Dinner may tip her over the edge and I don't want to see her upset anymore. Catching sight of a familiar face, I quicken my pace and fall into step with my friend. "Hey…" Gripping Becky's wrist, she turns to face me, a slight smile on her mouth. "I've been calling you."

"Sorry, I've been busy." She clears her throat. "Everything okay?"

"Well, no." I furrow my brow. "Did I do something wrong?"

"What? No." She shakes her head. "Just…I did." She sighs.

"O…kay?" I study her face, hoping she may elaborate.

"How is Arizona?" She asks. "You guys working things out?"

"N-No." I drop my gaze. "Things are bad."

"I'm so sorry." Becky's voice breaks. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen, Eliza."

"Why are you apologizing?" I laugh. "You were being a friend and I appreciate that. Even if it ended in tears for me, I'm still thankful that you were honest with me."

"Y-Yeah." She clears her throat. "Just…I didn't expect you guys separating to be the outcome."

"Why wouldn't we separate?" I fall into step with her, my body moving closer to my wife's office. "I don't know about you, but your wife sleeping with another woman tends to have that effect on most people."

"I didn't say she slept with her." She stops me. "I didn't say that, Eliza."

"You didn't need to." I give her a sad smile. "I kinda knew where the conversation was going…"

"N-No." She holds up her hands. "I didn't tell you that Arizona had slept with _anyone._ "

"Well, whatever." I shrug. "I know what happened."

"Except I don't think you do." She disagrees. "They kissed, yeah…" My friend reminds me of my wife's downfall. "That doesn't mean they slept together."

"You said they were in the bathroom together."

"Well, yeah." She admits. "But that doesn't mean anything…"

"Wait, are you saying that nothing happened?" I raise an eyebrow. "Are you saying that I've got this totally wrong?"

"No, I'm saying that I never told you she slept with Debra." Becky backs up a little. "I'm saying…you shouldn't overreact too much because you don't know what happened in there…"

"But the touching and the dancing…" I feel like I'm having an out of body experience right now. I feel like I'm not sure when I will next take a breath.

"It happened with all of us." She shrugs. "Me included. I just…I guess I got a little carried away with my animation of the evening because I knew how much you hated Debra. It wasn't my intention to cause this, though." She drops her gaze. "Shit!"

"I-I have to go." I furrow my brow. "Uh, thanks." Rushing off down the corridor, I come to a stop outside Arizona's office and my heart pounds hard in my chest. I don't want to do anything or say anything too rash, but I have a terrible feeling that I've got this all completely wrong. _Fuck!_ Knocking loudly, my wife calls for me to come in and I turn the handle, the door opening slightly. "H-Hi." I breathe out.

"Everything okay?" She asks, her eyes focusing back on the stack of papers in front of her once she realizes it's me.

"Yeah, um…you texted me." I move inside.

"And that requires a meeting in my office?" She glances up at me, her tired eyes covered by her glasses. "You could have just hit reply and said yes or no…"

"Right, yeah." I furrow my brow. "Sorry…"

"So, can you keep her up a little later this evening?" She asks as she sits back in her seat. "I want to be there for bath time."

"Yeah, no problem." I nod. "Something planned?"

"Checking out an apartment." She shrugs as she returns to her work. "I can't meet them until six and that's Dillon's bath time. I won't be long if that would be okay?"

"Of course." My heart sinking a little at the idea of Arizona finding a place to live, I'm beginning to truly realize just how messed up we are. "Did you want to stay for dinner?"

"Oh, no thanks." She powers up her computer. "I'll just do my usual routine and let you be."

"S-Sure." Stepping back and out into the corridor, I feel the sudden urge to cry. "I'll see you tonight then."

"Yeah, fine." She doesn't look up from her screen. "Bye."

Closing her door, I lean back against the wall and give myself a moment to breathe. I know we are a mess. We both do. I just didn't expect to feel this way. Becky has just totally hit me square in the face with her words and now I don't know which way is up. I don't know why I'm doing this. Becky is right. I don't know what happened in that bathroom. Arizona is the woman I love and I've totally allowed my fears to get the better of me and she is close to divorcing me. She's close to ending all of this with me. We are separated and we no longer communicate. Suddenly, this all feels like my fault. _Shit._

* * *

Taking the stairs slowly, my wife's voice pulls me closer to the bathroom and her laugh causes a small smile to settle on my face. I know we aren't anything anymore, but every night when she comes by, I listen to her time with Dillon. I listen to her laughing and her happiness and for just five minutes, it feels like everything is okay between us. For just five minutes, I feel like we aren't separated. This day has been hard for me and not only because of Becky and her admission. I should have known that anything could have been the truth but I chose to see the worst possible outcome and I need to apologize to Arizona for that. She won't accept my apology and I guess I deserve that but I still feel like I need to say something to her. Anything for her to know that I'm sorry. She hasn't spoken to me since she arrived here a little over thirty minutes ago, but I know she wants to do her thing and then leave. She made that clear earlier when she shot down my offer of dinner. _I don't even know why I asked her to stay._ I mean, up until a few hours ago, I still believed that she had slept with Debra. I guess in my heart I always wondered if I was overreacting, but now I know I have. Sure, I'm still mad that she kissed her, but if I hadn't behaved how I did…this could have been fixed a while ago. If I hadn't behaved like a bitch, Arizona would still be in our home and we would be building that trust between us again.

I allowed my anger to get the better of me so much that I told myself I didn't love her anymore. I told myself that I couldn't possibly love a woman who had hurt me. The truth is, I've never stopped loving her. How could I? She is the mother of my children. She is the very definition of everything I've ever wanted in my life and she has given me the greatest gift in the world. God, I've messed this up between us and I don't think we will ever work things out. Just a few weeks ago, she would have jumped at the opportunity to hear me out. Now, though? Now…she won't look at me. She won't speak to me. She just…she's here in our home, but she's not. Her body may be here, but her mind…her love? It's gone. I feel like we are complete strangers when we are together. I feel like everything has been torn from us and set alight.

Leaning against the frame of the door, I watch my wife's interaction with Dillon and it only makes me realize what I've done even more so than before. Arizona isn't a woman who ruins families. She isn't a woman who would ever jeopardize what we have for the sake of a little fun. She is Arizona Robbins. The woman who was blasted across the street but spent her days telling me everything was going to be okay. The woman who held me when I was at my lowest. The woman who took me back _twice._ Hell, she even sat at home waiting for me to return for two years. Dillon…she was conceived with me in mind. I wasn't even here but Arizona thought about me every step of the way. _I've royally fucked this up._ Sensing a shift in her behavior, she straightens herself out a little better and clears her throat. She knows I'm here and I suspect she is a little surprised. I don't usually interrupt her time with the kids, but tonight I have. I don't know why and I don't know where we go from here, but I want her in my life. I want a life with her again…if she will ever give me the time of day.

"Right, little miss…" My wife climbs to her feet. "You ready to hit the hay?"

"No." Dillon folds her arms over her chest and pouts. "Not wanna."

"Uh, attitude much?" My wife steps back a little and glances at me. "Has she been playing up?"

"A little," I admit. "Nothing to worry about, though…"

"Sure it's not." She gives me an incredulous look. "Our daughter is acting out but it's nothing to worry about? Kinda like us divorcing is nothing to worry about, huh?" That word punching me in the stomach, I swallow hard and remain silent. I don't have any words for that. I don't even know how to begin to discuss the fact that my wife has just expressed her wishes to become my ex. "Right, out you get." Arizona wraps our daughter up in a towel and brushes past me, carrying Dillon into her bedroom. "You know, momma needs you to behave, okay?"

Our daughter takes the lead from me and also remains silent. "So, y-you have the papers?" I ask, trying to keep my voice low and calm. "I wasn't sure what was happening with that…"

"Yeah, I've got them." She focuses on Dillon. "I've brought them with me…"

"O-Oh." My eyes close and I brush a tear from my jawline. "Uh, okay."

"I'm just giving you what you want, Eliza." She sighs. "And I don't want to discuss this right now…"

"Sure, yeah." I back up and out of Dillon's bedroom. "I'll leave you to spend some time with the kids."

"You're too kind." She replies, sarcasm laced in her voice.

Deciding not to make a comment, I slowly head down the hallway and take the stairs. I know we aren't in a good place, but I didn't expect her to actually bring divorce papers by. I at least hoped we would have a conversation about it all first. _You're the one who wouldn't hold a conversation with her, asshole._ God, I feel awful. Truly awful. We have both made mistakes but I'm beginning to realize that my mistake is way bigger than Arizona's. I've realized it and I don't even know how to begin fixing it. _She's here to divorce me._ Wow. The thought of that alone is too much to even think about right now. My stomach is turning and I'm planning on throwing up any second now. Braced against the kitchen counter, my eyes close and my breathing feels a little erratic. This is all too much to even comprehend. Arizona is ready to leave our life together and this is all my fault. She may have kissed someone…but this is so much bigger than that now. Kinda like I'm beginning to even forget why we split. _You know she didn't sleep with her, Eliza. You know her._ Breathing through the intense heartache I'm experiencing, my wife reaches the kitchen and pulls her blazer over her shoulders. Heading for her bag, she pulls out a manila envelope and sets it down on the counter in front of me.

"I'll just leave this with you." Her voice void of anything and everything, I glance up at her. "And I've signed, okay?"

"Y-You've signed…" I repeat her words.

"Yeah." She nods, her gaze dropping. "I don't want you to be stuck in a marriage with me, Eliza. You don't love me and that's okay. The girls are the most important thing so rather than fight with you and try to apologize _again,_ I'm calling it quits. I've signed and I'm getting out of your way."

"Arizona…" My entire body is trembling as I watch her head for the door.

"You won't get any problems from me, okay?" She glances back. "This place is yours now…it's our girls home and I want them to have it. Dillon is growing up here and Nevaeh will do the same. I don't need it." She shakes her head. "Give me a call when you've read through everything. I think it's pretty straightforward." The front door opening, my wife disappears from our home and I grip the envelope tight in my hands. I'm shaking and I can't do this. I can't even bring myself to open the envelope and I'm not sure I'll ever have the courage to do it. I'm not sure I'll ever have the courage for anything else again. Setting it back down on the counter, I back away from it and drop down on the couch. My head in my hands, the tears fall hard and fast.

 _My marriage is over and it's all my own fault…_

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 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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One More Try: Chapter Five

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ARIZONA'S POV

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That was one hell of a long day. Work is kicking my ass and honestly, I hate the back and forth every night when I want to spend time with my kids. I should be relaxing with them and settling down, but instead…I'm visiting and then driving back to the bar when the sun is setting. It's not ideal but it's how it has to be. It's the only way I can sleep at night. So long as I know they are safely sleeping in their beds, I will survive. I'll be tired doing it, but they're my life. My complete life. Their mother was once a part of that but Eliza has given me nothing since I handed over the divorce papers four nights ago. I figured she would have signed it that same night if I'm being totally honest but she hasn't and it's beginning to piss me off. Why? Because I'm tired of waiting around for her to show up. I'm tired of hoping and wishing and praying for some kind of fucking miracle when it's never going to happen. I just want her to sign the damn papers so I can get on with my own shitty existence. That's how it feels right now. When I'm not with my girls, I'm lost. At work. At the bar. When I'm sitting in my car each evening and crying before I fire up the engine…I just feel totally lost and I don't quite know how best to cope with it. I meant what I said when I told Eliza that she wouldn't have any problems from me regarding the divorce. I may hate what is happening, but I wouldn't ever expect someone to stay in a marriage they weren't happy in. I wouldn't ever expect Eliza to stay because we have kids. So long as I have full access to them every minute of the day, I can live with that. It all sucks, but I can live with it. _Living alone is going to be one hell of an adjustment._ I'll always love my wife, but her love for me is no longer there. I wish I could but unfortunately…I cannot make her love me. I cannot change how she feels about me.

I think I'm coping okay. I mean, I haven't even called my mom yet to tell her I'm getting divorced but I'm not sure how to even approach that subject. I spent so long trying to get them back on board with the idea of Eliza being home that I know she is going to freak. She is going to tell me it's my own fault and I'm not sure I need to hear that right now. I know it's my own fault. I allowed myself to be drunk around Debra so yeah…I'm well aware of the fact that this is my own fault. I haven't seen much of her since everything happened but I know she feels bad about it. She was drunk and she got lost in the moment. She mistook my attention for attraction and that really wasn't the case at all. I told her that when I pushed her away and I know she feels terrible. I know she feels awful about this but I think she may have heard the rumors of our split and now she cannot even face me. Pulled from my thoughts when there is a light knock on my door, I lift my gaze and find Eliza's friend standing in the doorway. "I'm busy."

"Arizona, can I just get five minutes, please?" She has a pleading look in her eyes and I'm totally lost right now. "Please?"

"What?" I remove my glasses from my face. "I'm genuinely busy and I don't need you in here feeling sorry for yourself."

"She made a mistake." Becky drops down into the seat opposite me. "Eliza made a mistake and I'm not sure she can admit it."

"A mistake?" I raise an eyebrow.

"With you." She sighs. "When I told her about the kiss, I may have been a little dramatic about it. She seems to believe that I told her you guys had slept together but I didn't."

"I'm not interested in your bullshit, Becky." I shake my head. "You filled her head with crap and now we are over."

"But it doesn't have to be…" She gives me a sad smile. "You guys can work things out, no?"

"Work things out?" I scoff. "We are filing for divorce so I think it's a little late to 'work things out', don't you?"

"Oh, no." She drops her head into her hands. "Don't do this, Arizona."

"I don't know you well enough to discuss my personal life with you but I can assure you…this is what Eliza wants." I give her a knowing look. "Maybe you should be crying in her office rather than mine."

"Please, just talk to her…"

"Talk…" A laugh rumbles in my throat. "I'm sick and tired of trying to talk to her. She doesn't want to know. She isn't interested in anything that happened that night because she has formed an opinion and she is sticking with it."

"She was struggling…" Becky admits. "Look, she didn't want me to tell you any of this, but before that kiss, we were hanging out one night and she told me she was struggling."

"With what?" I roll my eyes. _I really don't have time for this._

"Everything." She sighs. "She knew Debra had a thing for you and she was worried. She didn't feel good about herself after Nevaeh arrived and she didn't know how to deal with it. Her body. How she saw herself. She was waiting for you to leave her because her pregnancy had changed her."

"Changed her…"

"You know, the weight gain…being torn from stem to stern during delivery." Becky settles back in her seat. "She wanted to be everything for you but she was struggling with herself. She was struggling with the idea of never being herself again."

"Could you leave?" I stand. "I'm not discussing my wife with you…" Motioning for the brunette to leave, her head drops between her shoulders and she stands, rounding the seat she has just risen from.

"I'm sorry, Arizona." She gives me a sad smile. "I wish this could have ended differently. I told her to talk to you. I told her she needed to be honest, but she couldn't. She could see how unbelievably happy you were with the kids and she didn't want to bring your mood down. She didn't want you to worry about her…"

"Thanks for coming by…" I breathe out. "I really have work to do." Closing the door, I turn the lock and lean back against the wood. "Fuck." I don't know what is going on here, but is Becky trying to tell me that Eliza and her reaction was based on how she was feeling about herself? It doesn't condone anything that she has done or said to me but it breaks my heart, I know that much. I need to be alone. I need to think and I need a moment to myself. Maybe I was a little harsh in kicking Eliza's friend out of my office, but things aren't okay regardless of the reasons for it.

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Heading up the porch to my old home, I wasn't planning on seeing the kids today and I know they will already be sleeping. Dillon has had a long day at her friend's house and I've already called and spoken to her. Eliza told me she was taking her to bed when our call ended, so no…I'm not here to see the kids right now. As much as I love them, I'm here to see Eliza. It feels weird being here for her, but I am. I don't plan on laying it all out right away, but I want to get a feel for how Eliza is dealing with our divorce. She hasn't spoken about it since I gave her the papers and yeah, I did find that a little odd. Considering she didn't want me in her life, I found it more than odd. Knocking gently, the porch light flickers on and I suddenly feel exposed in what used to be my own home. The door opening, Eliza furrows her brow and wipes a tear from her jawline. "Arizona…"

"Can I come in?" I ask, dismissing the fact that she is an emotional wreck right now.

"S-Sure." She nods. "The kids are sleeping…"

"I know." Brushing past her, it feels weird being here so late at night. "I'm here to see you…"

"Why?" She asks as she closes the door.

"The divorce?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Right, yeah…" She clears her throat. "Sorry, I just…I didn't have time to sign the papers."

"But you are going to?" I study her face. "I mean, you want this, right?" I can see her battling with her internal thoughts but I need her words right now. I need her to tell me how she is feeling.

"Sure, whatever you need me to do…" She isn't even listening to me right now. Her eyes have glazed over and her breathing seems a little off. "Just give me a minute, okay?"

"Sure." I move into the living room and drop down onto the couch. Glancing around, our pictures are still framed and on full display, for the world to see. Happier times. Times filled with love and a world of support for one another. Times when Eliza wouldn't have dreamt about accusing me of cheating. I always thought she knew me well but it turns out you can live with a person and potentially not know one another at all. At least, that's how I feel right now. I mean, should I have recognized that she was struggling? She never talked to me about it. She never even hinted at being in a bad place. I never initiated anything sexual with her because I knew she was sore. Often in pain, actually. I knew she wasn't feeling good and I didn't want her to think that I needed sex from her. I thought she knew that, though. I told her that on more than one occasion if she made a comment about the lack of sex. She did have a terrible pregnancy so I knew that it would take time to heal. Both mentally _and_ physically.

"S-So, what do I need to sign?" She appears in front of me and I glance up at her. "I mean, I didn't even read it yet…"

"Maybe you should." I shrug as she drops down beside me. "You know, so you know that this is real. That it's happening…"

"I know it's happening, Arizona." Her voice breaks. "You have spent six weeks away from our home so yeah…I know this is happening."

"O…kay." She isn't giving me much but I refuse to be the one who grovels. I know I messed up with Debra, but this all stems from before that night. I know that now.

"Just…before I sign the papers, I need you to know that I believe you." Her admission catching me completely off guard, if I'd have been standing right now, she'd have knocked me off of my feet.

"You believe me?" I play stupid.

"That it was just a kiss."

"Well, at least I can feel better about that." I give her a small smile. "So…those papers?"

"Right." She removes them from the envelope and her hands are shaking. Her entire body is trembling and it's tearing me up inside, it really is. "So, I just sign here?" She points to a particular section and I nod. "Did you really sign?" She stops before the pen hits paper. "I know you said you did but was it really that easy for you to just sign our marriage away?"

"Easy?" I repeat her words. "No, none of this is easy, Eliza."

"But you signed?"

"I did." I nod. "Not because I wanted to…but because you aren't in love with me anymore."

"I am." She rushes her words out. "I am in love with you, Arizona."

"Mm, I find that hard to believe." I know Becky has told me things today but I'm still not sure my wife is in love with me anymore. The way she has treated me makes it kinda hard to believe her.

"I know and I only have myself to blame for that but I don't want to sign these papers, Arizona." She drops her gaze and the pen falls from her grip. "I-I can't."

"Why not?"

"I've been terrible to you." She brushes away a stray tear. "I've messed this up a lot more than it already was and I said the worst things to you…"

"Because it's how you feel." I sigh. "Whatever was going on in your head at the time…you still said it, Eliza. You still told me that I was free to leave our home. That hurt…"

"I'm sorry." Tears falling down her face, I want to touch her but I can't. We aren't there yet. Right now, we couldn't be further apart. "Arizona, I don't want you to leave." She cries. "I don't want our family to disappear."

"You haven't told me you love me in a _long_ time, Eliza." I want to be here with her, but I don't feel like it's the right time. She's upset and I cant be sure that she won't feel completely different tomorrow. Divorce is a big deal…I know, I've been there. I think the realization is beginning to hit for Eliza now, though.

"Please, don't leave me." Her hands gripping my own, this is the first skin on skin contact we've had in what…two months? "We can't end…"

"We already did." I lace our fingers together. "We ended some six weeks ago…maybe even before then but I was just too stupid to see it."

"I don't even know how to make this better." She sobs. "I don't know what the hell is wrong with me and I'm worried. I'm worried that I'm going to lose you…"

"Eliza…you believed I'd slept with another woman." I dip my head a little and find her eyes. "You were so adamant that I'd done that to you…why the change of heart?"

"In the back of my mind, I knew you hadn't." She gives me the first genuine smile I've seen in a long time. "I just…do you think maybe we could talk?"

"You want to talk…" I nod slowly. "Now, after all this time…you want to talk."

"Y-Yes." She studies my face. "Not right now, but when you think you can be in the same room as me."

"I never wanted to be away from you." I drop her hands and stand. "Just…what do you want from me, Eliza?"

"I want us to be good again." She looks up at me, complete heartbreak in her eyes. "I want us to be a family and in love…like we should be."

"I need some time." I clear my throat. "I've been preparing myself for the end of us and now you want this." I shake my head. "I need time and I need you to be sure of what you are doing."

"I don't follow…"

"Take some time to think about this," I reply. "Just…I don't believe that I'm who or what you want anymore." She stands and closes the distance between us.

"I don't want to lose you…" Her hand settles on the side of my face and my eyes close. Her touch alone is too overwhelming right now and I know I have to leave. I cannot wake up here tomorrow beside her. I can't…because she is a mess right now. She may be my wife and we may be perfect together, but I can't be here right now. "Arizona…" My eyes still closed, I need to feel her on my skin for just a moment longer. "I'm sorry." Her lips pressing against my own, it's soft and it feels genuine. She feels like she always did. Before this mess was created. Before our lives were torn apart. _God, that feels good._

"I have to go." I pull back and create a little space between us. "I'm sorry…I can't." Rushing out of the house, I reach the porch and release a deep breath. I know what I want and it's never been any different, but Eliza needs to know that she means this. I won't survive if she changes her mind. If she decides that she cannot trust me, there is no way I will survive. My cell buzzing in my pocket, I remove it and unlock the screen.

 ** _I want to talk this all out with you. I love you. Eliza x_**

 ** _I don't know why you suddenly feel different…_**

Climbing into my car, I drop my head back against the seat and try to stem the flow of tears I can feel welling in my eyes. This isn't good for me. None of this is good for me. I'm too old for this shit, I really am.

 ** _I made a mistake. I know you are tired of my mistakes and I am too. Please, if you decide you ever want to talk, I'm here and I'm ready to do that. Eliza x_**

Setting my cell to silent, I drop it down on the passenger seat and fire up the engine before speed off from the sidewalk. Maybe she does mean this, but I still think she needs time. For what, I don't know…but I cant just walk back in there. No matter how much I want to…I can't.

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 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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One More Try: Chapter Six

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ELIZA'S POV

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I've completely fucked everything up. Arizona came by last week to collect the divorce papers and I crumbled. I told her I couldn't sign them. I know I'm one continuous fuck up, but when I told her I loved her, I meant it. It felt so good to say it but I know she's hurt. She's hurt because I've completed disregarded her from my life for several weeks and now I just expect her to be okay. To just walk back into our home and the life we once shared. I mean, who does that? Who stays silent for weeks on end and then just expects things to fall back into place. _Me, that's who._ I don't even know what to say to her. My head is so messed up that I feel like I can't talk to my wife. I feel like whatever comes out of my mouth, it will just ruin things further and I don't want that. I want us to talk. I want us to work through this. I know she has wanted that since the moment she told me about the kiss, but I couldn't. I couldn't face her. Maybe in some way, I knew she was sorry. Maybe in some way, I knew she felt awful but I wanted to punish her further. That really wasn't needed. She has beaten herself up enough and I didn't need to add to that pain. I didn't need to kick her whilst she was already down. I mean, it's hardly the end of the world. Yes, it happened…but I should've listened. I shouldn't have made up my own scenarios in my head. _I should have taken my wife's word._

I didn't, though. I didn't and now I'm not sure she will ever come home. It's been almost a week since I told Arizona I was ready to talk but I'm getting nothing from her. She still comes by every evening to be with our girls but she's so detached from me that it breaks my heart seeing her in our home. She isn't the woman I've loved since I arrived in Seattle. She isn't the woman who's arms I used to fall asleep in. She told me I'd broken her the day she left, and it's true. I _have_ broken her. I've broken us. Our family. Hell, I've probably broken our children too. It wouldn't surprise me. They're going to see how incredible Arizona is and come to resent me for this. I don't even have to try…it's just what happens. I mess up. I make the situation worse. I fail. Story of my life, huh?

Every morning I've wanted to call Arizona and ask her to come by but something stops me. When my fingers tap the screen of my cell…I delete the message. The words 'I love you' are easy for me to write, but sending it is a different matter. I want to tell her I love her but she doesn't believe me. She's already told me that. So, I'm scared of the rejection I'll face when I send that message and she replies with some smart ass comment. I'd deserve it, but right now…I can't take it. I can't take any more fighting or harsh words. The best thing I can do is let Arizona be and if she ever comes around to talk, I'll be ready. _At least, that's what I keep telling myself._

I dropped the girls off at daycare almost an hour ago and yeah, I should be working. I should be, but I'm not. I didn't feel good when I woke this morning and honestly, I was close to having a meltdown. I know they should be here with me, but I needed some time to myself. I needed time to sit and cry. To sit and think. To sit and fall apart. It's what I do best so why change the habit of a lifetime? Why change now when I will always revert back to my pathetic self? I know I'm a fuck up, but I've never claimed to be anything else. I've never said I could be the perfect wife or the ideal lover. Arizona saw the person I was _trying_ to be and ultimately, I failed her.

My hand shaking as my pen hovers over the divorce papers in my lap, I think it's time. It's time to let Arizona go and do what is best for us all. I should probably let the kids go, too. I mean, she can care for them better than I can. She can love them like I can't. I feel like no matter what I do, they will never thrive with me. I love them with everything that I have but Arizona is a remarkable mom. She settles Nevaeh like I never could. She makes Dillon laugh like I'll never do. I mean, our daughter sits quietly every night before my wife arrives for dinner and bath time with her, so I know I'm just holding on to something that could never be mine. _I should call Arizona and have her collect the girls today._ Give them up, if you will. She deserves the best and so do they. They deserve each other, I know that. They deserve a world of love from my wife and I'm only preventing that the longer this goes on.

 _I have to do this._ She hasn't called to say she wants to work things out so yeah, I have to do this. I couldn't exactly blame her for choosing to not forgive me. I've made her life hell these past several weeks. So much so that she went through with renting the apartment she was checking out a couple of weeks ago. She has taken some of her things from this place but I can still feel her here. This is her home after all so I'll always feel close to her here. I may have created this with my stupid overreaction, but I'm ending it. I'm letting my family go to give them the best chance at happiness.

A knock on the door startling me from my thoughts, I furrow my brow and set the divorce papers down on the coffee table. Pulling myself from the couch, I cross the short distance and pull the front door open. "What's up?" Becky is standing on my porch but I don't know why she is here. She's continued to avoid me for the past couple of weeks so I wasn't expecting her.

"You took the day off." She brushes past me and moves further into my home. "I was checking on you."

"Don't feel too good." I clear my throat. "Maybe a virus."

"And you're sticking with that?" My friend drops down onto the couch and studies my face. "What's going on, Eliza?"

"Nothing, why?" I furrow my brow.

"The kids not here?" She raises her eyebrow.

"No, they're at daycare." I run my fingers through my hair. "Just…why are you here?"

"I'm worried about you." I appreciate her concern, but I'm fine. Once I've done what needs to be done, everyone can get on with their lives. "I know I shouldn't have told her but I thought it would help…"

"Told who what?" I give Becky a look of confusion.

"Arizona." She looks at me like I'm supposed to know what she is saying. "About how you were feeling…"

"You told her?"

"Yeah, last week." She furrows her brow. "You didn't know? She hasn't brought it up?"

"No, and thank god." I scoff. "Fucking hell, Becky. Why did you do that? She doesn't need to know that I'm a fucked up mess. Not from you, anyway. She knows I'm fucking useless so she really didn't need you to confirm it."

"Useless?" She stands and moves a little closer. "Eliza, you're not useless."

"I kissed her." My voice breaks. "I kissed her when she was here last week and I got nothing from her. She fucking hates me, Becky."

"I'm sure that's not true." She gives me a sad smile. "You guys have a lot to work through but I'm sure she doesn't hate you."

"She does." A laugh rumbles in my throat. "She hasn't even come by to see me since I kissed her. I don't blame her, but I thought it might have changed something, anything. You know, between us."

"Maybe you should call her?" She suggests. "You know before you do something stupid…" Glancing down at the divorce papers on the coffee table, she finds my eyes again. "You need to talk to her, Eliza. Tell her everything. Be honest with her. She loves you…"

"No, she _loved_ me." I correct her. "And I'm signing the papers."

"You really shouldn't do that."

"Why?" I scoff. "She isn't here right now, is she? She isn't here and giving me the opportunity to fix this."

"Can you blame her?"

"No, but it's not the point." My voice is a little raised. "I told her last week I couldn't sign the papers. I told her I loved her and wanted to talk, so where the fuck is she?"

"I don't know…" Becky sighs. "I don't know."

"She's done with me." I hold up my hands. "That's why she isn't here, Becky. She's done with me and you know what? _I'm_ done with me, too. This is a waste of time. I fucked up like I always do, and this time was the final time. She doesn't need this shit in her life. She has two gorgeous kids who she should be focusing her time and attention on. Not me and my fucking issues."

"They're your kids too." Becky gives me a knowing look.

"Yeah, but I'm a fuck up so why would they want me to be their mom? It's better for everyone if I just let them all go. To be free. Get on with their lives."

"Eliza…"

"You can leave now." I smile. "I have things to do."

"I'm worried about you." She takes my hand in her own. "Don't do this. Talk to Arizona, please?"

"You're worried?" I scoff. "You're the one who put the ideas in my head, Becky. You're not worried…you just feel bad."

"No, that's not fair." She breathes out. "I told you they'd kissed. _You_ are the one who assumed that to be something more, not me."

"And look at the mess I've created by doing that?" I sigh. "Just…leave. I'm fine. I'll _be_ fine."

"You're making a mistake." She drops her gaze and heads for the door. "A huge mistake."

"No, Arizona made a huge mistake in ever making me her wife." I give my friend a sad smile. "I'll call you when this is all over, okay?"

"I'm so sorry it's come to this…"

* * *

 ** _Can you take the girls tonight?_**

I've been sleeping on and off all day and I only feel worse than I did earlier when Becky was here. I haven't changed my mind but I'm still yet to sign my divorce papers. I just need a few more minutes before I do it. Once my name is on those papers, there is no going back. Once that pen hits paper…this is all over. The most incredible and memorable time of my life…over, just like that. A simple signature. Crazy, really.

 ** _Sure. Should I just get them from your place?_**

My place. This isn't my place and it never will be. I don't want it. I have too many memories here. Too much love. If I stay here, I won't survive. If I stay here, I'll crumble and I'll die slowly. No, this isn't my place and Arizona should probably take it back from me.

 ** _Daycare._**

 ** _I didn't see you on campus today…_**

 ** _And that can only be a good thing for you._**

Putting pen to paper, I sign my name in the required fields and knock back a large scotch. Pouring another, I brush a tear from my jawline and close my eyes. _That's it. My marriage has ended._ I don't know how I feel about it, but I know it's not a good feeling. I'll always love Arizona and anyone who knows us knows that she is my one true love. Sometimes love isn't enough though, and that's one thing I've come to realize in all the years we've been together. We may have a world of love for each other…but I'm in the worst place imaginable right now and Arizona doesn't need this. She doesn't need me. She's made that perfectly clear since the moment she brought up the word 'divorce'. It wasn't what I ever wanted for us, but it's the right thing to do. Downing another scotch, I send off one final message to Arizona before setting my cell to silent.

 ** _Thank you for the incredible years you have given me. You're now free to be the amazing woman I always took for granted. Thank God our kids have you. I love you, but I'm letting you go. Xx_**

 ** _What have you done, Eliza?_**

My screen lighting up, Arizona is calling me but I don't have the energy to talk to her. I don't have the energy for anything anymore. I'm all out of emotion. I'm all out of feeling. I'm just all out of everything. Numb, that's how I feel. I feel totally numb and I'm not sure I will even make it through the night. Our kids don't need this. They don't need me to be a mess and unable to function without their mom, so they won't see it. Arizona does an amazing job with them and I know now that I will only get in the way. Just like I always do.

 ** _Eliza, answer your phone._**

 ** _I need to speak to you._**

Curling up beneath Dillon's blanket on the couch, the silence is the only thing keeping me sane right now. My cell is repeatedly buzzing and lighting up beside me but I don't want to do this with Arizona. I told her I wanted to talk but the damage I caused was too severe. I get that. I understand that she wouldn't believe me when I told her I loved her. I'm forever causing issues and I'm forever fucking her over, so no…she couldn't ever truly love me again. She says she never stopped, but I'm having a hard time believing that. I'm having a hard time with everything. _I don't feel right._ My body doesn't feel right. My mind doesn't feel right. Maybe this is how post pregnancy is supposed to be but if it is, Arizona handled it better than me. She handled it incredibly well if this is how she felt. _Just another perfect thing about her._ She always was the one who kept this relationship together. She was the one who kept us going time and time again. Really, I haven't put anything into us. Sure, I gave her Nevaeh, but she needs more. She deserves more. She deserves someone who doesn't feel like they're going crazy. Yeah, that's exactly how I feel right now.

Maybe when the dust has settled we could become friends. You know, for the kids? Maybe I'll enjoy trips with them when Arizona wants me around, I don't know. This is all on her right now. Whatever she wants. If one day she decides I should be in Dillon and Nevaeh's lives, then I would grab that opportunity with both hands. I'd take it and run. It's going to be hard not having them around but Arizona has totally got this. Me, I've never had it. At least, not since Nevaeh was born. Everything turned to shit once I'd given birth and I don't know where I went wrong. When Arizona isn't here, she cries. When she is here…she only wants her arms around her. Maybe she can sense how messed up her mom is? Maybe she knows that she isn't safe with me? Maybe she just doesn't love me. _How can she love me when I have no love for myself?_

It's all over now. My marriage. My relationship with Arizona. My relationship with my kids. Once again, I feel alone. Once again, I made my bed and yeah…I have to lie in it. Once again, I've created a situation that didn't need to happen. I always believed that I was destined to be alone, but just like everyone else…we hope and we pray for a miracle. I had my miracle. I had my perfect life. Now…I go it alone. Now…I could happily die in this spot and not feel a thing.

 ** _I'm coming over._**

Lifting my cell a little and glancing at the screen, I find numerous messages from Arizona but I don't want her here. She will arrive here with the kids and I really don't need any of them to see me like this. I just need to sleep and hopefully wake up to find my entire existence has been a simple nightmare. It's how my life feels right now. I don't feel like I'm in control of anything. My body. My life. Everything feels messed up and I'm not sure how it even got to this point. I mean, I know exactly how this happened, but was it really as simple as it feels it was. My overreaction. My hostility towards my wife. Surely not. Surely it was building and festering away somewhere in the background all along. I don't know, but I've totally lost control and I don't like it. I don't like how weak I feel around my own family. Arizona would have had my back when this all began but I pushed her away and for the final time…I pushed her too far.

 _Something isn't right…I'm not okay._

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 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**

 **Planning on another tonight...**


	7. Chapter 7

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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One More Try: Chapter Seven

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ARIZONA'S POV

* * *

Damn it. Something isn't right. Eliza isn't making any sense and she won't answer my calls. I feel like I should be there with her but I have to get the kids from daycare. I've got a bad feeling that something isn't right with my wife and I don't want the kids to see it. I don't want them in their home right now. If Eliza has fallen apart like I suspect she has, Dillon cannot see that. It would break her heart, mine too. I know we have both made mistakes and we have both hurt each other, but I had to keep that distance between us. I had to allow Eliza the time to herself to know that she truly wants me. I'm still on the fence about it all, but I needed time to think. I needed to work through stuff alone because right now, I don't even know if we can ever be happy again. I want to. I want happiness with Eliza more than anything but I feel so out of my life that I'm not sure I'm thinking straight. I'm not sure of anything that has happened over the last two months and it's killing me inside. Not being with my family. Not being happy and at home with the only people that matter to me is heartbreaking in itself. That doesn't mean that we should be together for the sake of it, though.

"Hey, Alex." My call connecting as I weave through the streets of Seattle, I'm trying to remain calm but I'm struggling. "Can you take her girls for a few hours?"

"You bet." I can hear the excitement in his voice. "What time?"

"I'm about to get them from daycare." I grip the wheel tight. "Can I bring them straight over?"

"Sure, is everything okay?"

"Honestly, I don't know." I sigh. "Eliza sent me a message before and I'm kinda worried. I just don't want the kids there with me, you know?"

"Of course." He agrees. "You sure you will be okay headed there alone?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine." I smile. I know he has my back and to be honest, I wouldn't leave my kids with anyone other than Alex. I trust him with my life. "I'll be there in the next twenty, okay?"

"No problem." The call ending, I take a left and make my way towards my kids. I need to see their faces right now but it will be a quick visit. Dillon loves being with Alex but I'm beginning to wish I was headed home with my girls and snuggling down for the night with my _other_ girl. My Eliza. My wife. Words have been exchanged but I need to be with her right now. She's struggling. I could tell by her choice of words to me not so long ago. I haven't avoided her this past week because I didn't want to speak to her or because I didn't love her. Not at all. I just didn't know what to do. That may be a lame excuse, but it's true. I didn't know what to do about any of this. One minute I was sleeping on Alex's couch and visiting my kids because my wife hated me, and in the next breath…she was telling me she loves me. It just confused me more than I already was and I didn't know how to handle any of it.

I mean, she kissed me. I'd barely gotten two words from her in several weeks and then she was kissing me and telling me she was sorry. That played on my mind more than anything else she had said or done. It kept me awake at night and some days I've barely been functioning at work. I know things are far from okay, but I think it might actually be time for Eliza and I to talk this out. Whether it all ends and we go our separate ways, or we figure things out and fall into each other's arms…we have to talk. There are no two ways about it. The conversation I had with Becky last week has played on my mind, but I don't want to call Eliza out on it. If she is struggling, her knowing that I'm aware of it may just tip her over the edge. It may only cause her to decline further and I need her to be the one who initiates that conversation. For her own sake, rather than mine. I don't know all of the details but what Becky told me saddened me and I want to be there to help Eliza through this. If she wants that, she knows I'll be there for her. I'm her wife. Reaching daycare, I cut the engine and grab my cell from the console.

 ** _Eliza, I need you to speak to me._**

Calling her number, it rings out like the last seven attempts I made to contact her. I hope she is just sleeping but I'm not feeling too confident about that right now. Something about her last message to me has unsettled me and I'm worried she has done something stupid. I'm worried she has hurt herself in some way. _Please, don't ruin your beautiful body._ My heart sinking at the thought of my wife injuring herself, I rush from my car and head straight for my kids. They'll give me a slight relief if only for five minutes but that five minutes could make all the difference to this situation. That five minutes could be the last time I'm truly happy. I don't know what is going on, but I don't like any of it. I don't like anything my marriage has become and the longer it goes on, the less confident I feel about ever resolving our issues.

* * *

Cutting the engine as I reach my old home, I climb from my car in a rush, only my cell phone keeping me company. Eliza still hasn't responded to any of my calls or messages and that sinking feeling I've been suffering from hasn't lessened any. I don't like it when she is feeling this way. Maybe I caused this by not giving her anything this week but it wasn't my intention. I was giving her space. Space she asked for when I left but she never really got. I was there all the time. Every minute of the day. I should have done as she asked and backed off for a little while whilst she figured herself out. _I couldn't leave my kids, though._ I'm sure she understands that but it doesn't make me feel any better about the situation.

Deciding that it's useless to even knock on the door, I use the key she gave me a few weeks ago when I was taking the kids one evening. Eliza was meeting with friends and I'd offered to spend extra time with them. She wouldn't have ever stopped me, but I figured I'd help her out of if I could. I'm kinda thankful for owning a spare key right now even if I should never have left. None of that matters in this moment. The only thing I care about is that Eliza is safe. She is safe and she is okay with me being here. Pushing the door open, the space I step into is completely silent. _Okay, I don't like this._ I don't like any of this. Rounding the corner, I find my wife curled up on the couch, a half-empty bottle of scotch sitting on the coffee table beside her cell phone. Approaching her, I can see her breathing is okay and I rest my hand on my chest. "Oh, thank god." Dropping down beside her, I'm about to wake her when I glance to my right and find our divorce papers sitting on the table, her signature clear to see. _She signed them…_

Sitting back on my knees, I don't know how to feel right now. I thought she wanted to make a go of this? I thought she wanted me back? How could she want me back if she has signed those damn papers I should never have given to her? I know I was hasty in my decision to contact my lawyer, but I didn't know what else to do. Eliza was so detached from me that I genuinely thought it was the only solution. It seems I've now tipped her over the edge and if it's not one thing causing us problems…it's another. It's a never-ending fucking theme with us. "Eliza…" I brush her hair from her face and the smell of scotch burns my eyes. "Eliza, wake up."

 _Nothing…_

"Baby, please wake up." That word falling from my mouth effortlessly, I'm not even worried that I said it. I said it because I mean it. I said it because it's our thing. Nudging her a little, she begins to stir, her eyes red and swollen. "Hey, it's me…wake up."

"Why are you here?" She mumbles.

"Because I was worried about you." I brush my thumb across her cheek. "Are you okay?"

"No." Her bottom lip trembles. "No, nothing is okay."

"Talk to me, Eliza." Her eyes slowly open and all I'm seeing is complete heartbreak. "I really need you to talk to me."

"I can't." She turns on her back and her eyes fix on the ceiling above. "Arizona, I feel like I'm dying."

"Hey, come on." I shift a little closer to her. "Everything is going to be okay."

"Nothing will ever be okay." She scoffs. "How can it be when we are broken?"

"We will fix this." Her eyes find mine and I give her a small smile. "I'm sorry I didn't come by through the week."

"You did." She sighs. "To see the kids."

"But you wanted to talk and I didn't make that happen."

"Wait, where are the kids?" She sits up on her elbows. "You were supposed to get them from daycare."

"I did." I nod. "They're with Alex." Studying her face, I take the papers from the table and hold them up between us. "Is this really what you want, Eliza?"

"What I want is no longer important, Arizona." She shakes her head. "I've signed and you should go and be happy."

"We were happy." I shrug. "Things got messed up but I think if we talk, we could work this out. Providing that is what you want."

"I don't feel good." Her voice breaks.

"Well, you know scotch doesn't agree with you." I give her a knowing look. "How about I fix us some coffee?"

"No, in my self." She sits up. "I don't feel good inside, Arizona."

"I know…" I climb to my feet and take a seat beside my wife. "I know you don't but I need you to talk to me so I can help you through it."

"No, this isn't your problem." She rolls her head on her shoulders. "You don't need this."

"You're my wife, Eliza." I take her hand in my own. "If you had spoken to me sooner, none of this would have happened. You know I'm here for you. I always have been."

"It was just my own insecurities…" She tries to be nonchalant. "It didn't matter."

"It did and it still does." I sit back and run my thumb gently across the skin of her hand. "You didn't feel good about yourself…"

"No." She gives me a sad smile. "I still don't but it isn't so bad when you don't have to look good for someone else. When you don't have to try each day…"

"You always look good to me." I have to be honest with her. I know we aren't really on good terms but that doesn't mean I cant give her the truth. "You always have and you know I'll always feel that way."

"I was in so much pain…" She brushes a tear from her jawline. "I didn't want you to feel like I didn't want you, but I was in pain."

"I know."

"I got it into my head that you would just find someone else who could give you what you needed and when you came home that night and told me about Debra, I lost my mind." _I feel like we are getting somewhere for the first time in forever._ "I overreacted and I hurt you. I'm so sorry."

"You know that kiss meant nothing to me." My eyes are fixed firmly on Eliza's. "Don't you?"

"Yes." She nods slowly. "I still don't like that it happened but I know that it wasn't intentional. At least, not on your part."

"Thank you." I press a kiss to the back of her hand. "Thank you for giving me something to work with."

"It was never supposed to be like this." She cries. "Nevaeh was supposed to complete us but I feel like a failure. She hates me, Arizona. She hates me and I can't be the mom she needs. I can't be the wife you deserve…"

"Hey…" She drops her gaze but I curl my fingers under her chin. "You are an incredible mom and our kids love you."

"They don't." She gives me a sad smile. "I tried, though. I tried to be what you all needed…I just messed up."

"With me, yes." I agree. "You messed up with me but the girls?" I raise an eyebrow. "No, you didn't mess up with the girls. Not at all."

"I am sorry it ended this way." She squeezes my hand. "But I don't want us to be those parents who hate each other and refuse to do stuff together with our kids. We have to figure something out so they don't feel any of this."

"Figure something out?" I give Eliza a look of confusion.

"A plan." She sighs. "If you want the girls with you, I understand."

"W-With me?"

"At your place." She furrows her brow. "I think it would be best if they were in your care, Arizona. They deserve someone like you…not me."

"It's cold in here." I release Eliza's hand from my grip.

"Sorry, I didn't bother lighting the fire because I knew the kids wouldn't be here." She sighs. "The cold actually felt pretty good for a while." Dropping to my knees in front of the fireplace, I fix the wood a little better and strike a match. "Arizona, you don't need to be here. I'm sure you have better things to do." Taking her divorce papers from the table, I set them alight and throw them into the fire. "W-What are you doing?" She climbs from the couch and attempts to stop me.

" _We_ aren't doing this." I shake my head as I climb to my feet. "Eliza, do you love me?"

"I'll always love you." She drops her gaze. "Bu-"

"But nothing." I cut her off. "You are in a bad place and as your wife…it's my job to help you through it."

"You handed me divorce papers, Arizona." Her shoulders slump as I take her hands in my own once again. "How do we ever forget about that?"

"What papers?" I furrow my brow. The first genuine smile I've seen from her in a long time curling on her mouth, I tug her away from the fire and guide her back to the couch. "Lie down."

"Why?" She takes a seat and pulls her legs up.

"Because I'm going to lie with you and we are going to work through all of this together." Removing my jacket, I slip my boots off and climb under the blanket beside her. "Look, I know things are up in the air and I don't expect to just go back to normal, but I need your words, okay?" Brushing tears from her tired face, her eyes close and my hand lingers. "I'm sorry that I didn't recognize your struggle…" I should have seen it. I should have been paying more attention to Eliza. I know having two kids kinda keeps you busy, but I should have made time to check in with her. See how she was doing. For that, I do feel bad. I'm not sure I deserve what I've been put through, but it is beginning to make sense…at least, a little.

"This isn't your fault." She replies, her voice barely above a whisper. "I should have talked to you. I should have trusted you to help me through this…"

"And now that I know…we will work through it together." Her eyes opening, I could cry just looking into them. I've missed so much about Eliza but it's time to fix us. It's time to fix the mess we have _both_ contributed to and work from that. Build ourselves back up again. "I think maybe Alex will look after the kids tonight…"

"Why?" She furrows her brow.

"Because I want to spend the evening with you if that would be okay?" Searching her eyes, I'm not sure she wants me to stay over. "I mean, just for a few hours…"

"No, I'd like that." She agrees. "Do you think we will be okay?" I know she is questioning herself right now. She knows I never wanted to leave. She knows I never wanted to separate. She is asking if I believe _she_ will be okay, I know that.

"We will be okay." My eyes close. "And so will you, Eliza." My arm drapes over her midsection. "You've got this…and I've got you."

"I love you…" The words fall freely from her mouth and it feels good to hear them.

"I love you, too." We have some talking to do, but right now...the quiet is perfect. Just...us.

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 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

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One More Try: Chapter Eight

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ELIZA'S POV

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 _This feels so good._ Our home is silent. It's just Arizona and I. There is no better feeling than having Dillon running around and Nevaeh sleeping soundly, but I need this right now. I need it to be just us. Not because I don't love my kids, but because it's pretty impossible for us to discuss everything with them around. I know that's just how it has to be and I wouldn't ever want them away from us but I need tonight with my wife. Yeah, my wife who almost wasn't. My wife who has once again shown me that I don't have to hide my worries. My feelings. My insecurities. I know all of this. I know I don't have to pretend around her. Sometimes it's just easier. Easier than talking it out. Easier than putting it all on her. I know it's only messed everything up, but she is here. I'm here. We're ready to work through things. I'm not sure I've felt as settled as I do right now. It's been hard since she left but I only have myself to blame for that. I pushed too far and ultimately, I lost her. She may have wanted to work things out but my mind wasn't and still isn't in a good place. I know talking is always the best option, but I've been feeling so low that I couldn't even bring myself to hold a conversation with her. At least, not one that would have put this situation to bed. I do appreciate that she is here, though. _Maybe I do have to thank Becky for telling her._

I know it shouldn't be left to my friend to pick up my problems but I'm happy that she did. I don't know what the situation would have been right now had she not told my wife. Arizona wouldn't have any reason to come here had she not known. She would have continued to believe that I didn't love her and that couldn't be further from the truth. This woman is my life. My lifeline. My only reason for living. She is the reason I'm who I am. She's my wife. _My wife._ Not anybody else's. Mine. She is the one who can encourage me. Fix me. Help me. I should have realized that sooner and this mess wouldn't be so bad. I mean, I said the most hurtful things to her and I don't deserve her time or attention but she's here and she is ready to be what I need. She is ready to be there for me and that in itself is more than I could ever ask for from her. She loves me regardless of what I've said and I love her regardless of what's happened. _It was just a meaningless kiss, Eliza._ I know that. In a way, I always did. My mood wouldn't allow for me to see it, though. My mind is so far from what it should be that I was close to losing complete control.

Maybe I need help. Maybe I need to see someone about how I'm feeling, I don't know. Arizona will know what to do, though. She always has the answers. She always knows what I need and when I need it. _God, it feels so good to have her arms wrapped around me._ Her hugs…I've missed them. I've missed them so much and right now I'm beginning to wonder how I even managed when she was gone. I had to manage for the kids, but every night when I was alone, I fell apart. I sat and I cried. About how I felt. About the things I'd said to Arizona. I cried and sometimes I wondered if I'd ever stop. I just needed her. Sure, I was mad at her but I still needed her. I wanted to call. I wanted to text. Hell, I was close to showing up at the bar on more than one occasion with the kids. She just has a way of making me feel safe. Secure. Loved like I've never been loved in my entire life.

I feel like I should speak. Arizona hasn't asked me to, not yet…but I feel like I should say something to break this silence. I feel like I should give her something rather than nothing at all. Her arms securely around me, we've been lying like this for the last hour or so. Honestly, I'm scared to move or make a sound for fear of her disappearing again. "Will you stay?" My voice low and unsure, I glance back over my shoulder and her eyes immediately find mine. "Please?"

"Is that what you want?" She asks, her voice soft. "Do you want me to stay?"

"Yes," I say with certainty. "Just…I don't want you to leave right now."

"Then I'm not going anywhere." She pulls me back against her body and her chin rests on my shoulder. "Did you want to talk about anything, or?"

"Tell me what happened…" Arizona knows I'm talking about the kiss with Debra. She knows because her body has tensed against my own. "Please?"

"She just got carried away, Eliza." Her grip remains, but I know she is worried about my reaction. Honestly, I don't have a reaction. I think the past couple of months is reaction enough for one lifetime. "I'm not sure she even realized what she had done until I pushed her away. One minute I was dancing, and the next…well."

"And you didn't go to the bathroom with her?" I ask.

"No." She replies. " I went to the bathroom to give myself a moment. She may have come into the bathroom whilst I was there but I'd locked myself in a stall so I don't know. She had left when I went back to the bar…"

"Right." I sigh. "And I just assumed like an asshole."

"I do understand why you were so mad, Eliza." Her hand settles against my stomach beneath my tee. This won't last long, she will feel my stretch marks and move, I know it. "It was just how you handled it that I was pissed about."

"I know." I turn in her arms, our noses almost touching. "There was no reason for me to behave that way. I was horrible."

"You're going through stuff." She gives me a sad smile. "I just wish I'd known so I could be what you needed. I mean, how long has it been going on?"

"Few days after we brought Nevaeh home." My gaze drops between us. "You were so happy and I didn't know how to tell you…"

"Tell me what?"

"That I was struggling," I admit. "It wasn't so bad when you were home, but when you went back to work…I was a wreck, Arizona. Then I'd lie awake most nights and wonder if you found me attractive anymore. You know, did I even turn you on anymore…"

"I'm so sorry." Her voice breaks. "I'm so sorry you felt that way."

"You are so much better at all of this than me. I know that."

"No, you are amazing, Eliza." She curls her fingers under my chin. "Absolutely perfect."

"I don't feel it." I breathe out. "I'm feeling better physically, but everything else is like mush."

"Maybe you need to see someone?" She raises an eyebrow. "If that's what you want?"

"Maybe…" I nuzzle into her chest and her scent could quite easily send me to sleep. "It feels so good to be here with you right now, though," I whisper. "So good."

"It does." She presses a kiss to my head but I need more. I need to feel her lips against my own. "Whatever you need…we will fix this, okay?"

"Kiss me." I lift my head and she studies my face. "I need you to kiss me, Arizona." Her lips pressing against my own, my entire body trembles for her. She has literally stolen the oxygen from my body but I don't care. I need this. I just need her. "Oh god…" My eyes opening as my wife pulls back, her thumb runs over my bottom lip and tears fill my eyes.

"You've got this, Eliza." Her smile reassures me. "You've got me. Our girls. We all love you so much. Your health is the most important thing to me…"

"Thank you for coming back." My voice breaks. "I don't deserve anything from you, but thank you."

"You deserve my support." She pulls me against her. "You deserve the love I have for you. The love Dillon and Nevaeh have for you. You know how good we are together."

"So good." My eyes close.

"We just have to get you back to feeling good about yourself…" Her lips press against my own again. " _And_ I've been desperate to tell you just how beautiful you are…" Tears slipping from my eyes, Arizona brushes them away and gives me a sad smile. "All through your pregnancy, you looked incredible...and after, god…" She breathes out. "I could've watched you every minute of the day."

"I'm sorry I'm feeling this way."

"Everyone deals with things differently," Arizona replies. "I need you to know that you're not alone, okay? I need you to know that you have so much love around you…so much."

"You're amazing." My arm tightens around my wife's waist. "Everything about you just leaves me speechless."

"Well, since you're speechless…how about something to eat?"

"Sounds good."

"Mm, and I'm kinda missing our pizza nights…" _If only it was naked wrapped up in bed._

* * *

This night hasn't really involved much but it's been perfect. I know things are kinda strained right now but having Arizona here and reassuring me has been a welcome change. She should have always been here though, and that is what I'm struggling with. My behavior. How I treated my wife. I mean, I told her I didn't believe her. I told her I didn't care if she left or not. How must she have felt about that? How hurtful must my words have been to her? She doesn't deserve that treatment. She has been nothing short of amazing in the years we've been together and I cannot believe I allowed myself to react that way. I cannot believe I allowed my lack of words to get the better of me how they did. It wasn't acceptable and right now, I feel like the 'I'm sorry' I've given her isn't sufficient. _What else can I do, though?_ How else can I make her believe that I never meant it?

Glancing to my right, Arizona is barely awake. It's been a long day and an evening neither of us expected but I don't really want it to end. She said she would stay but does she still feel that way? Does she still want to be here with me? _Yes, and you know she does._ She has spent the evening being supportive and telling me what I need to hear so yeah, she wants to be here. She would've left by now if she had changed her mind. "Hey…" I nudge her, her head resting on my shoulder. "You wanna take an early night?"

"Early?" She yawns, her arms folded across her chest as she shows no signs of moving. "It's almost ten…that's hardly early."

"Yeah…" I smile as she sits up and stretches her body out. "You'll still stay?"

"Mm…" She nods, another yawn forcing it's way out. "If that's still okay?"

"I'd love you to stay." I stand and help her up to her feet. "I have something for you upstairs." Narrowing her eyes, that kinda comment would usually get me some sort of crude response but we aren't there yet. I wish we were, but I don't know how Arizona feels about that. Maybe it should just wait for another day. "Come on…" Turning out the lights, Arizona takes my hand in her own and we both head to the staircase. It feels like a lifetime since we shared a bed together but I'm more than ready for it to happen tonight. I've barely been sleeping and I know that the moment we get into our position, Arizona spooning me and holding me close…all of our issues will disappear. Even if only for a little while. I'll take anything I can get right now.

Reaching our bedroom door, I step inside and head straight for the dresser. Taking a particular item from the box I'd put it in, I turn back to face my wife and she gives me a small smile. "Is everything okay?"

"Y-Yeah." I hold up her wedding ring between us. "Will you put it back on?" Without another word, she takes it from me and slips it back on. Perfectly. So beautifully. God, I've been an idiot. "Thank you." I breathe out. "I wasn't sure we were there yet…"

"Eliza…" She takes my hands in her own. "Do you want us to be okay? I mean, do you want us to be happy and a family again?"

"Yes, more than anything." My voice trembles.

"Then we _are_ there." She smiles. "Whatever happens, happens." Arizona presses her lips to the back of my hand. "We are here and we love each other, right?" I give her a nod in agreement. "Then please, stop worrying about what I do and don't want."

"Okay…"

"I love you and I want to be here with you." She gives me a knowing look. "This is our home. Our bed. We are going to sleep tonight holding each other and tomorrow is a new day. A _better_ day."

"That sounds perfect to me." My heart beats perfectly in my chest. "Really perfect."

"So, we change and we sleep…" She heads to the closet and pulls out an old tee for herself.

"Did you want me to change somewhere else?" I ask, clearing my throat as I do. "T-The bathroom, or?"

"I'd rather you didn't but if that's what you need to do, it's okay." She strips her clothes from her body and throws them into the corner of the room. _God, I've missed her body. Everything. I've missed everything._ Slipping her tee over her head, it hangs from her shoulders and I turn my back, removing my own shirt. Suddenly feeling her arms wrap around my waist from behind, her hands settle on my stomach and she presses a kiss to my bare shoulder. "I'm sorry…"

"You have nothing to be sorry for." My voice is low but having her against me feels good.

"You are beautiful, Eliza." She presses another kiss to my shoulder. "Don't ever think that I'm not attracted to you…that will never happen."

"Promise?"

"I promise." She smiles against my skin. "You carried our daughter so your body will always be special to me. You gave me another miracle, and I know it was hard going. I know it took its toll on you but you are my wife and you will always be the hottest woman in the world in my eyes. _Always_."

Turning to face Arizona, she has unshed tears in her eyes and I furrow my brow. "Hey, I'm sorry…please don't be upset."

"You turn me on like nothing else in this world…don't ever forget that." She captures my lips. "I need you to never forget the nights we've spent together. The love we have for each other. Things may be hard for you right now, Eliza…but I swear that I'll always love you and I will always take care of you."

"I know." My hand settles on her the side of her face as her fingertips ghost up and down my naked back. "I know and I promise to try harder."

"You don't need to try harder." She smiles. "You try harder than anyone I know. What I do need though is your words. How you're feeling. If you're having a bad day…I need to know, okay?"

"Okay." I press a kiss to her lips. "You and me, yeah?"

"You and me, beautiful." Taking my tee from my hands, she throws it to the floor and lifts her own from her body. "Don't worry…" She senses a little uncertainty from me. "I just want to feel you against me tonight." Pulling back the covers, we both climb inside and her front instantly molds to my back. "Is this okay?"

"You've no idea…" I breathe out. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you, too." She leans in a little more and presses a kiss below my ear. "Now, get some sleep because tomorrow we are taking the day off and I'm taking you out."

"What about the girls?"

"They will go to daycare as planned." She snuggles down against me. "You and I will take them together."

"I'd like that." I sigh as my body completely relaxes. "This time alone has been nice…"

"Just because we are parents, it doesn't mean we don't deserve some alone time," Arizona reassures me. "We are only human, Eliza. We can only take so much before we need a minute to ourselves."

"I just feel bad…" I admit

"Why?"

"Because the girls aren't home with us," I reply. "But that's okay, right? I mean, we aren't bad parents for doing that?"

"Not at all." She shakes her head. "And I'm planning on asking Mom to take them one night so we can spend some more time alone."

"Maybe a movie and relax…"

"Now, you know that is my kinda date night." Arizona holds me tight. "Simple is perfect for me, you know that."

"Then I may even throw in a bottle of red." I shrug. "Depends if you behave or not…"

"Well, I can't promise anything but I'll try." A final kiss to my shoulder, my wife relaxes in our bed and our home once again falls silent. Little moments like this are what I live for. The back and forth with a little flirting. I stopped all of that when Nevaeh was born and maybe that's where I'm going wrong. I mean, that is me. Fun and flirty. Willing to strip off at the drop of a hat for my wife. It seems to have disappeared and I'm kinda mad at myself for that. We aren't shy people. We don't get anxious in the bedroom. I have to kick that right out of me.

 _I just want to feel good and be me again…_

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

* * *

One More Try: Chapter Nine

* * *

ARIZONA'S POV

* * *

Waking to find my wife wrapped around my body, an instant smile settles on my face but my heart feels heavy. The things she told me last night about how she feels…how she doesn't feel like she is good enough. How our children don't love her. God, it broke my heart, it really did. How could she ever even begin to think those things? She is an amazing mom and I thought she knew that. I thought she was confident about it. I mean, she's hidden things extremely well from me and it doesn't feel good. Knowing that I couldn't be what and who she needed doesn't make me feel good at all. _I should've recognized it._ I should have known she was struggling but I didn't. Was I too caught up in my happiness? Was I too busy concentrating on myself that I totally neglected my wife? I don't like the idea of that being the case but I can't change any of that now. I can't make up for the fact that I totally left her alone and feeling like she was in the dark. I was so happy. Everything felt perfect. Seems it wasn't, though. Seems my head was so far up my ass that I didn't know my wife was slowly slipping into a depression. A depression that ultimately caused us to separate and almost divorce. _Fuck, this is hard._

Dipping my head a little, I press a kiss to Eliza's messy dark hair and the scent of her shampoo makes me feel warm inside. Something about this moment feels perfect even though we are totally broken. I know we fell asleep together in each other's arms last night but that doesn't make up for any of this. It doesn't heal the wounds we have both created. It stems the flow for a second, but it doesn't fix things…not at all. I wish it could. I wish it could all just fall back into place but life isn't that simple. _Love_ isn't that simple. We have to work through this. We have to go slow and get our relationship back on track. I want our usual morning routine so much but Eliza can barely even look at herself in the mirror. She can barely even think positive thoughts and we both know that. I didn't think she would ever struggle like this but I was foolish to think that she was invincible. I was foolish to think that she would just be okay and our marriage would be perfect.

After Dillon was born, I felt nothing but complete love and happiness and I guess I just figured Eliza would feel the same. I guess I just assumed everything was okay. Right now, that couldn't be further from the truth. Right now, I feel like a complete failure to my wife. This isn't even about the kiss anymore or how she treated me. It all totally makes sense and I can't help but feel totally useless. I promised to love her and protect her but she felt as though I couldn't be what she needed. I've gone wrong somewhere and I need to make this right. I need to figure out how we can begin to rebuild and to do that…we need time alone. We need to be together and just us. I know our kids come first, but Eliza needs a break. She needs a break and she deserves it, too. Not just because she is struggling, but because I've had the opportunity to leave and go to work and she hasn't. Sure, she's back at work now…but she hasn't had a moment to herself. Not really. When she isn't looking after the kids, she is working. When she isn't working, she is at home. She needs a day to just breathe. She needs a day and an evening that involves a world of attention and love. Attention and love _I_ should have been giving to her. I feel like a stranger in my own home right now, but that's about to change. I'm taking this back. I'm doing what I have to do to make things feel better for her.

"Hey…" Our alarm is about to wake my wife but I want to be the one waking her. Leaning over and stopping it before it blares out around us, she mumbles against my chest. "Eliza…you awake?"

"Y-Yeah." She nods against my skin. "Five more minutes."

"Okay, I'll fix us some coffee." I press a kiss to her forehead. "I'll be back in five." Slipping out of our bed, my wife shifts into my spot and moans at the warmth I've left her with. Smiling as I watch her for a moment, her hair is splayed across my pillow and her arms are wrapped around it. I love watching her sleep but now isn't the time. I have to get to Alex's place and get our girls to daycare. The plan is to do this together but I'm not sure how Eliza is feeling this morning.

Preparing a pot of coffee, I lean back against the counter and my body feels a little more relaxed than it did the last time I was here during the morning. Dillon's toys scattered about and a genuine family feel hitting me square in the chest, my eyes close and tears slip down my face. I haven't felt this positive about being around since the night I messed up at the bar. Maybe Eliza is still mad in some way, but I can live with that. I can live with it because I know she's having a hard time with everything else in life. She didn't need someone kissing me to come into play too. It was unnecessary and it should never have happened. _I just hope she really does know that._ She says she does, but I don't want her to pretend if it is just to make me feel better. If she honestly believes that I did it intentionally, then I need her to tell me. I need her to tell me exactly how she feels about it.

Grabbing two cups, I turn back to the coffee machine and find my wife watching me from the other side of the room. She looks well rested but her silence is worrying me right now. Back when we were good, she would greet me with her arms around my waist. A kiss below my ear. Even just a general good morning would do right now. "Hey…" I give her a small smile as I try to gauge her mood.

"Hey…" Closing the distance between us, she pulls herself up onto a stool at the opposite side of the counter. "Thanks for staying last night…"

"Wouldn't want to be anywhere else…" I go about my usual morning routine and set a coffee down in front of my wife. "I was hoping maybe I could stay again tonight?"

"I'd love that." She smiles. "We're okay, right?"

"We will be." I give her a nod. "Can we still take the girls together this morning?"

"Of course."

"Did you want to shower first, or?" My fingers tapping against the marble, she drops her gaze and I furrow my brow. "Eliza?"

"Y-Yeah, I guess I could." She nods, her eyes still focused on her lap. "Sorry, I just…I wish I could give you whatever you need."

"You are." I round the counter and approach my wife. "I'm home and I have you…you're giving me exactly what I need. What _we_ need."

"You know exactly what I mean, Arizona." She glances up at me, sadness in her eyes. "We _always_ used to shower together."

"Eliza…" I take her hands in my own and stand between her legs. "This is perfect right now, okay?"

"Except it's not." She scoffs. "You've no idea how much I want to touch you…be with you."

"In time…" My thumb grazes the back of her hand. "We are in no rush for anything."

"You won't wait forever." She shakes her head. "And I wouldn't expect you to."

"If I have to wait forever…I will." I give her a knowing look. "Today is going to be a good day."

"You think?" She wrinkles her nose. "It's barely eight in the morning and it already feels like I'm going to fail."

"Fail what?" I ask.

"Everything." She admits. "When you weren't here, it was easier." Stepping back a little, she tightens her grip on my hands and stops me. "No, not like that. Just…I didn't feel the pressure to be the perfect wife. I didn't feel like I had to try as hard."

"I don't want you to feel that way…" I squeeze her hands and let them go. "M-Maybe I'm doing this too fast, I don't know." Clearing my throat, I head back to my coffee and a silence falls between us. I don't want silence from either of us, but I'm not sure what else I'm supposed to do. "I'll get ready…"

"Arizona…" Eliza sighs. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel like I don't want you here."

"It's okay." I give her a smile. "However you want to do this, okay?" Heading for the staircase, I glance back and find her with her head in her hands. "I'm not sure it's a good idea for me to stay over tonight, but I'd like to share dinner with you and the kids."

"I-I thought we were spending the day together?" Her head snaps up. "Y-You said last night…"

"We can if you want to." I nod. "But it's okay if you want time to yourself." _Suddenly I don't feel so confident about all of this._ Maybe she does still hold that kiss against me. I don't know why I get that impression, but it's how I'm feeling right now. "I'll see you in a little while." Climbing the stairs, my eyes fill with tears but I need to keep my emotions in check. I need Eliza to not see me upset. It won't help her and it certainly won't help matters.

* * *

Helping my daughter out of her car seat, her arms wrap around my neck and she squeezes me tight. Her eyes lit up this morning when Eliza and I both arrived at Alex's place and honestly, it's the first time I felt happy having all four of us together in a long time. My wife has been kinda quiet since our discussion this morning but that's okay. I don't expect full-blown conversations from her right now. She seems to believe that I need the perfect wife and the perfect life but I really don't. So long as she is okay and feeling good about herself, I can live with a little uncertainty. She knows I love her and she knows I believe she is perfect for me. She knows this…but her mind isn't in the right place and it hasn't been for a long time. "Okay, Miss Dillon." Setting my daughter down, she takes my hand and Eliza sees to Nevaeh. Heading inside daycare, I'm feeling kinda proud this morning. The past several weeks have been spent doing this alone and right now it feels good. My kids and my wife beside me…it's hard not to feel good about it.

"Momma?" Dillon tugs my hand. "Home tonight?"

"Yes, baby girl." I crouch down and meet her level. "Momma is going to cook dinner and then it's bath time, okay?"

"You stay…" She gives me a grin. "With me?" Glancing up at my wife, she gives me an adorable smile and I nod.

"Yeah, Momma is staying with you."

"Uncle Alex no more." Furrowing her brow, I know she doesn't understand what has been going on but I'm thankful for that. The less she knows the better. "Stay home?"

"I'm staying home." I press a kiss to her forehead. "Now, you got some stuff to do today…" Running off to her friends, she suddenly turns back and smiles.

"Mommy!" Rushing to Eliza, she wraps her arms around her thigh and hugs her tight. "Love you."

"I love you, too." My heart bursting when my wife's eyes brighten, it's the little moments like this that she needs. Dillon is very vocal when it comes to her emotions and the love she has for us and I know that she can help me to make her mommy better. It's a no-brainer really. "Be good, yeah?"

"Yup." Disappearing again, we set Nevaeh up for the day and Eliza stands back watching. Checking that everything is as it should be, we both head out and back onto the street. Heading for my car, I open the door for Eliza and she gives me a thankful smile.

"So, uh…" I slip inside and furrow my brow. "Am I taking you home?"

"No." She clears her throat. "I'm sorry about this morning, Arizona." She takes my hand in her own and settles them both on my lap. "I want to spend the day with you."

"Are you sure?"

"I am." She nods. "Maybe some breakfast together?"

"I could definitely use some breakfast." I breathe out. "And thank you…"

"For what?" Eliza gives me a look of confusion.

"For trying." Squeezing her hand, she relaxes back in her seat and releases a slight sigh. "You know, I slept better last night than I have in a long time."

"Mm, me too." She turns her head a little. "Felt good."

"Yeah?" I raise an eyebrow.

"I want you home with me, Arizona." She turns in her seat a little as I fire up the engine. "I want us all back together."

"I want that, too." I agree. "I'm just not sure you're confident about the outcome."

"I am." She gives me a sad smile. "I know what I want and it's you, Arizona. You and our kids." Leaning in, she presses her lips to my own and one hand grips the wheel. _This is what we need._ The unexpected kisses. The honesty. It's all I'll ever need in my life. "I love you and I need you at home with me."

"Okay," I whisper against her lips as my forehead rests on her own.

"I want to be that woman again…" She takes my bottom lip between her teeth and suddenly I'm not sure where I even am anymore. "I want to be the woman you fell in love with." She smiles against my mouth. "The woman who didn't care what people thought…just you. Only your opinion matters."

"You want my opinion right now?" I ask as she pulls back a little, giving me a nod. "You blow my mind." I grip her jaw gently. "The first time I kissed you, you blew my mind…and just now? Yeah, mind…completely blown."

"Feels good to hear you say that…" Her hand grips my thigh.

"Yeah, well if you keep doing that…I'm going to go insane." Deciding to be a little bold, I tease her like I used to do. She loved it and I need her to love it again. We may be parents and our bodies may have been through it, but we're still hot. Hot and so very in love.

"S-Sorry." She attempts to pull her hand back but I grip her wrist.

"No, don't move." I smile. "Feels good and I need to feel it a little longer…"

"You know I want you, right?" She studies my face, her eyes boring into my soul.

"I-I think so, yeah…" I give her a small smile, my voice unsure. "It's not what you need right now, though."

"No?" She furrows her brow. "Maybe it's exactly what I need…" _Oh, god. Don't say things you don't mean, Eliza._ My eyes closing, I run my tongue across my bottom lip before taking it between my teeth. "What do you think?" She asks.

"I think you should stop teasing me…" My eyes opening, Eliza is fixed on mine and something has changed. Something about how she is feeling has changed. I can see it in her features. "What?"

"How about that breakfast?" She disappears from my space and settles in her seat. "Then we should spend the afternoon at home."

"If that's what you want, okay." I nod, trying to remove all unnecessary thoughts from my mind.

"It is." She clears her throat. "It's _really_ what I want…" Her tone of voice changing, my body shudders. I'd recognize that voice anywhere. How she glances my way. How the green of her eyes deepens. Yeah, I know exactly what she has planned but I won't build myself up. Not yet, anyway.

 _Just remember that it could come to nothing, Arizona…and that would be okay._

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

* * *

One More Try: Chapter Ten

* * *

ELIZA'S POV

* * *

Last night and this morning have been perfect with my wife. I know I've been feeling really crap lately, but Arizona has this way of putting me back together without me even realizing it. She's like a gift from the gods, I swear. She doesn't pressure me into anything. She simply waits it out and allows me to come to her when I'm ready. I love that about her. I love everything about her but most of all, I love the support she has for me. The support I've been missing since I pushed her away. Right now, though…she's here. I spent the entire night in her arms and yeah, she's totally here for me. In every way imaginable. _I honestly don't know how I would survive without my wife._ I know she could find better. I know she could have the pick of any woman in this world. She chose me, though. She chose to spend her life with me and that alone is enough reason for me to stay. I love her more than anything in this world, but I have to stop behaving like this. If I want the perfect life...if I want complete happiness, I have to let her in. I have to go with it and anticipate just how good this could be. I mean, she touches me like nobody else in this world but I can feel myself pulling away from her. I can feel myself backing off and I suspect she can feel it, too. I want to touch her and I plan on doing exactly that, but I'm not sure I can allow her to do the same. I'm not sure I can allow her to see me naked for the first time in what feels like forever.

My pregnancy was so harsh on my body that we've barely been intimate since before I gave birth. I know Arizona didn't expect anything when it was getting close to the end and she could see how tired I was, but she still deserved more. She still deserved a wife who could make her feel good. In bed. In the shower. In the car. _Anywhere._ She deserved that and I totally neglected her. In this moment, though…I want to touch her. I want to feel her shaking beneath me. From my hands. From my words. From _me._ It may be totally one-sided, but that's just how it has to be right now. I don't feel good enough to even think about getting naked with my wife, but why should she suffer?

The engine cutting out as we reach home, she glances at me and gives me one of her adorable dimpled smiles. She's looking as beautiful as ever today and I need to get inside our home with her. I need to show her what she means to me. _God, I hope she doesn't freak out at my touch._ I could hardly blame her, though. It's been so long since we were intimate and she may not feel the same as she used to around me. _I guess I'm about to find out._ "You're coming in, right?"

"Of course, I am." She smiles. "We're spending the day together…"

"Wasn't sure if you'd changed your mind." My gaze dropping, I climb from my wife's car and head up the porch. "Thank you for a great morning." Giving her a small smile as she follows me into our home, I drop my purse and run my fingers through my hair. "It was nice."

"It was." Arizona agrees. "It's always good spending time alone."

"You want coffee?" I ask.

"Sure, let me get it." Rounding the counter, my wife moves around our kitchen with ease. _I could watch her forever._ Smiling as she chews on her bottom lip, I know she is thinking. About us. About the fact that I was teasing her a while ago. I know she wants me to make the first move and I can definitely do that. _I've pushed her so hard that she is scared to even initiate anything._ That's not fair to my wife, not at all. It's not fair to our relationship.

"You, uh…you don't have anywhere to be today?" I clear my throat as I close the distance between us.

"No." She glances back over her shoulder and gives me a soft smile. "Just here to do whatever you wanna do. To talk, if that's what you need…" Giving me a slight shrug, I trap her body against the counter and her hands grip the edge. "Eliza…"

"Whatever I wanna do?" My lips press against the back of her neck. "What about what you want?" My voice low, I feel my wife shudder against me. "What you need?"

"I wish it were that simple." Her breathing labored, it seems pretty simple to me right now. She wants me and I know she does. I can feel it. I can feel her desperate need to be taken by me. "H-How about that coffee?"

"How about you just relax…" Slipping my hand down the front of her thigh, a whimper falls from her beautiful mouth and it only encourages me to cup her sex through her jeans. "I really want to touch you, Arizona."

"F-Fuck…" Her knees trembling, my body is the only thing holding her up right now. "I want that too but we should stop."

"Do you want me to stop?" I pop the button on her jeans and slip my hand past the waistband of her panties. _Fuck, she's soaked._ "Do you want to just sit here and continue to be the boring couple we've come to be…"

"I want you to be okay." My tongue trailing her neck, she tilts it a little and I've given better access. "I-I, oh god." Her knuckles white as the grip the counter, I smile against the skin of her neck. "Eliza, I want you so much bu-" Sinking my teeth into her shoulder, a gasp falls from her mouth.

"Let me do _my_ job and take care of you." My fingers pressing against her aching clit, she grips my wrist and tugs my hand from her jeans. "Please?" My void now laced with fear, I don't know why she is stopping me. I don't know why she doesn't want me anymore.

Turning in my arms, her eyes are dark just like they used to be. Before I was a mess. Before I lost my mind. Before all of this turned to shit between us. "This is about _us,_ Eliza. Not me."

"You don't want me anymore." I give her a sad smile. "I get that…I just thought I'd try."

"I want you more than anything…" She breathes out. "I want you so much that it hurts, Eliza."

"So, let me touch you."

Switching our position, I'm now trapped between the counter and for once, it feels good. "I need to feel you against me." Her thumb brushes my bottom lip. "I need to feel all of you."

"I-I…" Cut off when her lips press against my own, my stomach tightens and I want her here and now. Right this second. I need her. I need her like never before. I've got her, but I need more. Her lips are as soft as they've ever been and yeah, I need her. I need to hold her and tell her that everything is going to be okay. That I can be what she needs. What our kids deserve. "Arizona…" Pulling back, her forehead rests against my own and her eyes close. "I know you want me, so let me take care of you…"

"I want us." She whispers against my mouth. "I want to make love to you, Eliza." Deciding to silence her with my actions, my thumb brushes her material covered nipple and my wife's breath catches in her throat. "Please…"

"You deserve so much more than this, I know that." Unshed tears in her eyes as she glances up at me, Arizona shakes her head and a tear slips down her face. "I don't need you to touch me to know that you love me, Arizona...but I do want to feel you beneath me." Suddenly being lifted onto the counter, my wife rests between my legs and studies my face.

"We aren't doing this." She disagrees. "I can't take you to bed to reap the rewards when I want this _with_ you more than anything."

"I'm trying…" I give her a sad smile.

"And so am I." Her hands settle on my thighs, my body craving her every touch. "You are beautiful and I need you to know that."

"I'm not but I appreciate you trying." Leaning in a little closer, her hand wraps around the back of my neck and her fingers graze my scalp. "I'm sorry I led you on…" I drop my gaze.

"Come with me?" She asks as she pulls me down from the counter, her arms now securely around my waist. "Just…please?"

"O-Okay." I nod, unsure of what the hell is going on right now. Guiding me to the staircase, she tugs my hand and I follow behind her as she takes the stairs slowly. Finding myself now standing outside our bedroom, Arizona turns to face me and gives me the most adorable smile.

"You remember the first time I ever brought you up here?" That memory flooding back, it was the night she screamed beneath me for the first time. How she was so soft and caring. How she didn't do anything I didn't want. I was a virgin and she completely respected me _and_ my body. "You remember how we fell asleep in each other's arms?"

"I do." My own smile appears. "I remember that night like it was just yesterday."

"That following morning, I felt you come undone beneath me. I heard you moan my name for the first time without even touching you. God, what I'd give to feel you beneath me again right now…" Her eyes closing, I know she is reminding herself of better times. "I want you all over me, making me feel good. I want you to do the things only you can do to make me scream your name…but I don't want it like this." She shakes her head. "I don't want it to be one-sided."

"Just...what if everything is messed up when you look at me for the first time?"

"Maybe I could be the judge of that?" She raises an eyebrow, her eyes just pulling me further in. "Maybe you can trust me and believe that I love you _and_ your body as much as I ever have?" Pushing her body further into our bedroom, she stumbles back towards the bed but stands her ground. "I love you but don't do this for me. This has to be what you want, Eliza."

"I love you, too." A small smile curling on my mouth, I need this with her. I need to let go and feel good for the first time in a long time. Arizona is the only woman who could do that, and I know she's right. I know I have to trust her. _I do trust her._ It's my mind that is defying me right now. My body…it is responding to my wife like it always has, but my mind is blocking everything I know I want and everything I know I need in this moment. Everything is so messed up and I don't know what to do with any of it.

"You don't want this, Eliza." She pulls me in close and our bodies are flush together. "You think you do, but I don't believe it's what you want…"

"I want you so much, Arizona." My voice breaking, I drop my gaze and internally chastise myself for doing this to my wife. Working her up only to let her down. Time and time again…it's the story of my life lately. "I'm craving everything that you are…"

"But you don't want me to touch you…" She gives me a sad smile. "I know you don't."

"I'm just scared that the moment you see me, you will walk out of that door…"

"That's not ever going to happen." Her own emotions getting the better of her, I can see how much she is struggling right now. "You know I wouldn't ever do that to you…"

"Maybe you should leave." I sigh. "Until I've fixed myself. Until I've fixed this mess…maybe you should leave."

"Do you want me to leave?"

"No," I answer honestly. "I don't ever want to be without you again."

"Then I'm not leaving." She says with certainty. "I don't need sex to know that we are in love, Eliza. I don't need to roll around in bed with you to make me feel something more. I couldn't _be_ any more in love with you than I am right now."

Something changing deep inside of me, I'm beginning to realize that she doesn't see my body how I see it. I'm beginning to realize that we connect on a much deeper level than simply skin on skin. My wife loves me like nobody else ever could, and I have to let her in. I have to allow her to be there for me in every capacity. If I don't get out of my head soon, I'm going to ruin us forever. I can't ruin this any more than I already have, so no…I have to stop this before I make it any worse. _She loves me and she wants me._ Just like she always has. Just like she has always claimed. _Just like she always will…_

Popping the buttons on my blouse, Arizona swallows hard and my own fears are trying to get the better of me. _You're hot…you always will be in her eyes._ Closing my eyes and steadying my breathing, the soft material falls from my shoulders and gathers on the floor. _She hasn't backed away._ Relieved when I open my eyes to find Arizona very much still in front of me, her soft fingertips ghost up either side of my stomach and my body shudders in response. "Beautiful." She gives me the most adorable smile. "You will _always_ be beautiful." Dropping down on the edge of the bed, her hands grip my ass and my wife pulls me in closer. Her lips connecting with the skin of my stomach, a gasp falls from my mouth as she works my body so perfectly with her mouth. "Don't ever think that I don't want you…" Her voice low, my hands find her hair and even if I wasn't sure I wanted this, I couldn't stop it from happening. I couldn't stop it because it feels too good. Everything about this moment feels like it should and no, I couldn't go back now. _I need this. I need Arizona._

"I need you, Arizona." Tears slipping down my face, she glances up at me…her eyes telling me that she's got me. That I'm safe here with her. "I need you now more than ever…" Her hand brushing my nipple, it slips around my back and my bra is suddenly falling from my shoulders. "Please…just love me."

"I do." Standing, she pops the button on my jeans and turns our bodies, the backs of my legs now connecting with the edge of the bed. "I love you more than I could ever begin to explain." Gently pushing me down on our bed, my back connects with the mattress and I find her settling between my legs. "You want this?"

"Y-Yes." I nod slowly, my head burying deeper in the pillow as my wife slips my jeans from my thighs and her fingertips graze my skin. "So much."

"Relax…" She presses a kiss to the inside of my thigh. "We're perfect, okay?" God, I wish I could believe that. I know I need to seek help but this right now is what I need. I don't need medication or to lie on a couch in someone's office and have them tell me what they think I need to hear. Right now, in this moment…I need Arizona. I need our love. That connection. That spark. The spark I can feel building in the pit of my stomach right now. "You've no idea how lucky I am to call you my wife." Her teeth nipping at the skin of my hip, her tongue trails up my stomach before sucking my nipple into her mouth.

"Oh, god." My stomach tightening from her slightest touch, I've needed this for longer than I thought. I've needed this since the moment I wouldn't allow my wife to come anywhere near me. I know it wasn't fair to her, but she got it. She understood that I needed time to adjust to the changes in our life. "T-That…" Gasping when she sucks a little harder, my fingers tangle in her hair and I can feel her smiling against my skin. _God, I love it when she does that._ To most people, it's simply a smile but to me? To me, it tells me that my wife is happy to be here with me and creating these reactions. These sensations. "S-So good…" My back arching, she moves her body lower again and curls her fingers around the waistband of my panties.

"May I?" Glancing down at Arizona, I see nothing but pure love radiating from her. Her eyes are holding nothing but us right now.

"Please…" I breathe out. My panties disappearing from my body, my natural reaction kicks in and my legs fall open either side of my wife. Being with her like this feels as good as it ever does but I need her to not back away right now. I need her to continue, even if she doesn't want this. "Arizona…" Her eyes fixed on my soaked sex, they trail my body before settling on my own. "Please don't run…"

"Never." Her voice barely above a whisper, she shifts a little and settles between my legs, her thumb brushing my clit. "I've missed you…"

"F-Fuck." My mouth falling open as she runs her tongue the length of my center, my orgasm is already showing. My body is already close to falling over the edge. "Oh god…"

"You are so beautiful, Eliza." Pulling back, she blows gently on my clit and my back arches as her hand glides up my stomach and between my breasts. "Every inch of you is incredible…"

"T-Touch me, Arizona." Gripping the sheet to the side of my body, a low moan rumbles in her throat as she coats her fingers with my arousal. "Y-Yes…" My eyes closing, a gasp falls from my mouth as she slowly but surely slips two fingers inside of me with complete ease.

"God, I've missed us." Her lips sucking my clit into her mouth, her tongue rolls over it so perfectly that I'm not sure I will be breathing for much longer. "And you taste…" Moaning, she sinks a little deeper. "Fuck, you taste better than ever."

"I-I…" My mouth falling open as she hits that sweet spot, my chest is heaving with anticipation for what is to come. "Shit."

"Feel good?" She asks as her thumb replaces her tongue.

"Like you couldn't even begin to imagine." Climbing up my body, she rocks above me, her fingers working deep inside of me. "R-Right there, yes." Her pace picking up a little, Arizona's lips press against my own and it takes everything I have within me not to flip us.

"You've no idea how much I want you to come for me, Eliza." Her voice low and filled with complete want, she will be getting exactly that any moment now. "How much I want to feel you let go."

"A-Arizona." Gripping her back, I'm beginning to wish my wife was naked right now. I don't plan on this afternoon ending any time soon, but feeling her naked against me would have only heightened every sensation coursing through me in this moment. "F-Fuck, o-oh…"

"Let go, beautiful." Her lips brushing my ear, I shudder beneath her and my world slowly begins to fade. It's been so long since we have been intimate together and I know that I can't allow it to come between us anymore. I know that no matter how I'm feeling inside, this woman is the only one who can put me back together. I may need a little more help, but Arizona is my primary source of happiness and that feeling of being wanted. _She is all I need._ "Come for me…"

My back arching, my orgasm crashes through me but Arizona doesn't slow. She wants me to really feel this. She wants me to completely let go and give her what she wants. She deserves this. We both do. Curling her fingers, she presses her thumb against my clit a little harder and another orgasm approaches. "Y-Yes, oh fuck…" Shuddering and shaking beneath my wife, she smiles against the skin of my neck before pulling back and ghosting her lips over my own.

"Open your eyes…" She whispers. "Let me see you…" Doing as she asks, her perfect smile is waiting to greet me and I mirror it with one of my own. Slowing her pace, she settles on top of me and brushes my hair from my face. "Perfect."

"I love you." My words barely above a whisper, she nods slowly.

"I know you do…and I love you, too."

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

* * *

One More Try: Chapter Eleven

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ARIZONA'S POV

* * *

Waking to the sound of soft breathing beside me, a smile settles on my mouth and Eliza shifts a little, her arms wrapping around me tighter and the front of her body pressing against my back. She feels so soft and silky against me and I need this moment to last a little longer. Our afternoon yesterday was nothing I could have expected but to a degree…we reconnected. She let go and she let me back in. It's all I've wanted since Nevaeh was born but I understand that she wasn't herself. She still isn't, but she is trying and that is all I want. All I want is for our family to be happy and complete once and for all. I don't need any kind of grand gesture or continuous apologies, I just need Eliza. Her gorgeous personality. The woman I fell in love with back when it was forbidden. Back when we had to hide what and who we were. I want that woman back in my life and I know with a little help, that can happen. I know that if we both focus on what is important, we can be better than ever before. She is doing better, but I know she isn't fixed. I know she still has doubts about herself and maybe even about our relationship. Our marriage. I don't want it to be like that. I don't want her to ever have to worry about the love I have for her. She means the world and more to me and so long as she never forgets that, we can never go wrong. We can never falter. It's up from here on out and I know that. Deep down, she knows it too. Deep down, she can feel the love I have from her just by being in the same room.

My hand coming to rest on her own, I lace our fingers together and glance at the alarm clock. It's a little before six in the morning and Nevaeh only woke twice in the night. I took care of it so my wife could sleep and get the rest she needs but now I'm wide awake and I don't know what to do with myself. Dillon won't be waking for at least another thirty minutes or so but I don't want to move from this position. It's too comfortable. Too perfect. Being back home and in bed with my wife is emotional to think about but I don't need to bring the tears right now. They're not necessary. We are here and we are in love. Anything else that comes, we will face together. I know everyday won't be good but in time, it will be. In time…this will have never happened and our lives will be incredible. I can feel it. I can feel that happiness trying to desperately push through and back into our beings. _One day, Arizona. One day._

Sighing, my eyes close and I can feel Eliza's heart beating in her chest. It's beating so beautifully and I could lie here like this forever. Just us…naked in bed. The world outside not relevant. The worries on our mind slowly fading. God, what I'd give to just have that for five seconds right now. Just that hint of what we were. Just that tiny bit of hope that everything will work out just fine. I know it will, but it's still nice to feel it once in a while. I've been missing it for so long that yeah…it would feel really good to experience that right now.

"Are you awake?" A soft whisper tickling the skin of my shoulder, my smile grows wider. "Arizona?"

"I'm awake, beautiful." Tightening my grip on her hand, she shifts impossibly close and spoons me like I've never been spooned before. "You okay?"

"Perfect." She breathes out. "What time is it?"

"Six."

"I really don't want to leave this bed right now." Her lips pressing against the back of my neck, my body shudders. "Can we stay here a little longer?"

"Of course." I agree, my voice low. "Get some more sleep, Eliza."

"No, I'm okay like this." She mumbles. "Just…I want to touch you, Arizona." Our afternoon together was amazing but my attention was totally on my wife. It was about making her feel good and nothing else mattered in that moment. I didn't want to push by suggesting we spend the entire afternoon in bed and I believe I made the right decision. I didn't want to overwhelm Eliza and thankfully, she has woken feeling good.

"Yeah?" My eyes close as the palm of her hand runs down my thigh. "You do?"

"So much…" Her lips press against my neck and a gasp falls from my mouth. "Please?" My hand settling on her own, her movements still but that isn't where I'm going with this. If she wants this, I'd never stop her. "Arizona…" Guiding her hand between my legs, she shifts in our bed a little and props herself up on her elbow behind me.

"You know I want you, Eliza…" Her fingertips pressing against my clit, a low moan rumbles in her throat and yeah, that moan is only creating an even bigger mess between my legs. "F-Fuck." My voice barely audible, my legs spread a little but my back is still resting against her front.

"Oh, God." Her breath catching, my arousal coats her fingers and I know there is no going back from this. Not now…not ever. "You feel so good." Her words encouraging fresh arousal to flood from my center, her fingertips roll over my swollen clit and my mouth falls open. "You've no idea how much I've missed you…"

"S-Show me." My chest heaves as her pace picks up a little. "Fuck, yes." Slipping her arm under my head, my hand instantly finds her own and she tightens her grip. "S-So good." Moaning as she works me perfectly, her hand moves a little lower and she slips a single finger inside of me. "Shit, oh god."

"You needed this…" She whispers as her lips press against my ear. "You're soaked." A hint of her personality shining through her doubt, my lips curl into a smile and I nod slowly. "You just needed me…"

"A-Always." Another finger slipping inside of me with ease, she grinds her own soaked sex against my ass and everything about this moment feels exactly how it should. No pressure. No fear. Just me and Eliza sharing our early morning together. "You know exactly what I need."

"I do." She says with certainty. Slipping out of me, she pushes my hip forward and my body is now laid partially on the bed, my ass on view for the world to see. Entering me from behind, my hand grips the sheet and the side of my face buries in the pillow. "You need to come, right?"

"So much." I moan. "Only you know how to make me feel good…" Sinking deeper, she curls her fingers and I know I'm barely holding on. I want and I need to come but this just feels so fucking good. I never want this moment to end. "Fuck, right here." Her lips trailing down my spine, her pace increases and she hits me deeper with every thrust. "Eliza, oh god…" Gripping the sheet tighter, my walls squeeze her harder than ever before and my stomach tightens. "Y-Yes…" My voice low, I'm barely breathing right now.

"Come for me, Arizona…" Her words a whisper, they push me over the edge and I shake beneath her. My orgasm hitting me full force, my eyes slam shut and I've zero oxygen. Nothing. I've got nothing but this incredible feeling I've been missing. "Fuck…" Grinding against her own hand, my wife too falls over the edge and the sound of my soaked sex is the only thing keeping me grounded in this moment.

"Oh god…" My breathing erratic, my body falls flat on the bed and Eliza drops down on top of me. "Fuck, that wa-" Cutting myself off, I have no words to describe what I've just experienced. I know Eliza touches me like nobody else ever has or ever could but that was something else. Something I've never felt in my entire existence. "Wow…"

"Arizona…" Her voice pulling me back to the present, she rolls off me and I turn to face her.

"Hey…" Cupping her face when I find her cheeks tear-stained, I give her a sad smile and she closes her eyes. "I love you…"

"I-I love you, too." Sobs taking over her body, I pull her in close and her face is now buried in my chest. "God, I've missed this with you."

"Me too, baby." My fingers running through her hair, she settles against me and her breathing calms a little. "But we're here, right?"

"Yeah." She pulls back and brushes the tears from her face. "I'm sorry, I'm being stupid."

"No, you're not." I smile. "If you need to let it out, do it."

"I don't want to be like this, though." She drops her gaze. "I don't want to be the one who cries during or after sex."

"It won't always be this way." I try to reassure her. "Soon, everything will be better."

"I know." She gives me a small smile. "Just…I wish it had never been this way."

"Things happen out of our control." I brush her hair from her face. "But we've got this. You know we have."

"I couldn't do this with anyone other than you…"

"And I wouldn't want you to do this with anyone else, Eliza." I press my lips to her own. "You make my life everything that it is. You and our girls."

"Can we just relax today?" She asks. "All of us?"

"Couldn't think of anything better." Relaxing in my arms, I give us a few minutes to just be before I begin our day. If Eliza needs to sleep a little longer, she can totally do that. It's no problem for me. I'll see to the girls and she can take all the time she needs. Whatever she needs…she's got it. She knows that.

* * *

"Momma?" Dillon comes bounding through our home and crashes into me. "Where's mommy?" Her tiny brow furrowed, it melts my heart.

"Mommy is resting but she will be sharing breakfast with us soon, okay?"

"You not go back to Uncle Alex?" She gives me another questioning look and I pull her up and onto the counter. "Ever?"

"Never again." I smile, my thumb brushing her soft cheek. "Did you miss me?"

"Mmhmm." She nods. "Mommy miss you too?"

"I think she did." I motion for her to come closer. "A lot."

"No, like mommy crying." My heart breaking at my daughter's admission, I give her a sad smile and she wraps her tiny arms around me. "Make me sad."

"I know, baby." I press a kiss to her hair.

"I make mommy mad?" She glances up at me and its now my turn to furrow my brow. "I make mommy cry?"

"No, baby." I shake my head. "I made mommy cry…"

"Why?" _God, I wish she wouldn't ask so many freaking questions._ Clearly, she is my daughter. "Not nice."

"No, Dillon." I sigh. "It isn't nice."

"Friends now?"

"Best friends." I throw my daughter a wink. "We are all best friends, right?"

"Love you, Momma." Squeezing her tight, she giggles and squirms in my arms as my hug turns to a tickle. "Wake mommy up?"

"Soon, big girl." I nod. "Maybe you could paint mommy an awesome picture?"

"Yes." She nods in excitement. "I get down now please." Helping my daughter down from the counter, Nevaeh stirs in her crib and I know it's snuggle time. Setting out Dillon's paint and paper on the coffee table, she makes herself busy with the project I've set her. Taking Nevaeh in my arms, she snuggles into my body and today I'm feeling totally at ease. I just wish Eliza felt the same. I know she is feeling better now that I'm back home but I want her fixed. I want her healed and loving her life again.

"Mommy needs all our love…" I press a kiss to Nevaeh's head. "Tons of it." Watching her tiny features change as she squirms in my arms, a smile settles on my mouth and I drop down to the couch beside Dillon. "That looks awesome."

"I good paint, Momma."

"You are." I smile. "The best."

"Mommy like it?" She glances my way waiting for an answer.

"Mommy will love it," I say with complete certainty. "Not as much as she loves you, though."

"I know." She shrugs. _I swear she has been here before. Ain't no doubt about it._ "Neva sleep?"

"Nevaeh is sleeping…" Settling back on the couch, my youngest daughter relaxes on my chest and her tiny heart beats against my own. Glancing at the clock, it's a little before nine and I'm more than sure I've just heard movement upstairs. "I think mommy is coming to see us…"

"Yay." Dillon jumps up and down in delight. "I see her."

"Mmhmm." I smile. "You will." My hand gently gliding up and down Nevaehs back, she sucks her bottom lip into her mouth and all I can see is Eliza. Everything about our youngest daughter is my wife and honestly, it's amazing to see. She always worried that our kids wouldn't have a look of her but instead, she got one that she couldn't ever deny and another who has her mannerisms.

"Now…that is a vision I could watch all day long." Her sleep filled voice pulling me from my thoughts, I glance over my shoulder and find my wife watching me from the staircase. "Good morning."

"Morning, beautiful." Standing, I round the couch and approach Eliza. Pressing a kiss to her lips, she smiles against my mouth and her hand settles on the small of my back. "You feeling okay?"

"I am." She nods, her smile widening when she presses a kiss to Nevaeh's head. "Hard not to be when I wake to find this in the living room."

"Plenty more where we came from." I throw her a wink. "You want some coffee?"

"Coffee would be great." She agrees. "Want me to get it?"

"No, you take her…" Handing our daughter over, she settles in Eliza's arms and my wife looks relieved. "Dillon is busy perfecting her latest masterpiece."

"Oh, she is, huh?" Approaching our eldest daughter, Eliza drops down in the seat I've just been occupying and pulls her into a hug. "Morning, big girl."

"Missed you, Mommy." She nuzzles into Eliza's side. "Paint for you." Watching on in amazement at my wife's mood, I rest back against the counter, my arms folded over my chest. "Like it?" She holds it up for Eliza to see and my wife's smile widens.

"I love it." She kisses her head. "It's beautiful."

"All of us best friends." She nods. "Momma sorry making you cry." Glancing over her shoulder, her brow is furrowed and she gives me a questioning look. Shrugging and throwing Eliza a wink, she smiles and gives me a slight nod. "Make pancakes?"

"I'm making breakfast this morning." I cut in before Eliza feels the need to move. "You guys hang out." Watching as my wife stands and moves into the kitchen, she holds Nevaeh tight and closes the distance between us. "You okay?" She takes my hand in her own.

"I love you." She smiles into a kiss. "Everything you are is all I will ever need, Arizona."

"We've got this," I whisper against her mouth. "I've never been more sure about anything in my life."

"Thank you for being amazing…" She rests her forehead against my own. "Thank you for being here for me."

"I'm your wife." I brush my thumb across her cheek. "I'll be with you every step of the way."

"God, you make my heart break." She closes her eyes, a smile curling on her lips. "In a good way…"

"Thank god for that," I smirk. "Because you know I'll never do anything to break your heart, Eliza." Making reference to how our issues started, she gives me a nod and presses a kiss to my lips.

"I know." She turns and rests against the counter with me. "Today feels good…"

"Yeah?" My smile widens as I raise an eyebrow. "You think?"

"Definitely." She breathes out. "Right now…" She glances down at Nevaeh and laces our fingers together. "…right now it feels perfect."

"Good." I rest my head on her shoulder. "Breakfast?" Falling into a comfortable silence, she simply nods and we both watch as Dillon mumbles to herself, her little body moving around the coffee table to the various paint pots scattered about. Today could become anything at all so this moment? I'm enjoying it and I'm never letting it go. I'm never letting anything go again.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

* * *

One More Try: Chapter Twelve

* * *

ELIZA'S POV

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 _Three weeks later…_

Yeah, this day can officially suck it. It can suck it big time. All I want is to be at home. Or with Arizona at least. The last few weeks have consisted of us just getting back to being a family. They've consisted of happiness and I don't worry as much. Sure, it's still there in the back of my mind at times, but my wife was truthful when she told me she was there for me. My wife was being honest when she told me she was here to help me through everything. Honestly, I'm not sure what I'd do without her and she knows that. She's been nothing short of amazing and every moment I spend with her lately feels like a blessing. I mean, I have a gorgeous wife and two incredible kids. That's all I need to focus on. If I focus on that alone, nothing can go wrong. If I remember why I'm here and why I'm happy, everything else is forgotten about. At least, most of the time it is. I do sometimes wonder if I'm good enough for them, I won't lie. I do sometimes think about how I've hurt Arizona with my accusations and then it hits me. I've been a complete bitch. The worst. Why she still even gives me the time of day, I'll never know…but she does. She does because she loves me. Our family. Everything that we are. She loves me and she tells me that more so now than ever before.

She doesn't need to tell me, though. Her actions alone tell me how much I'm loved and cared about. How she looks at me and how she touches me. How she stands back and watches on as I relax with our girls. Yeah, she loves me and honestly, I think I love her more now than I ever have. At one time I wouldn't have thought that possible, but the last few weeks have shown me that my wife is totally here for me. She's got my back…just like she's always had. There are no two ways about it, and I get that now. I get that I'm allowed to feel weak at times. I get that I'm allowed to feel unsure about what each day will bring. I'm only human after all. Human with a world of emotions lately. So, I'm trying. I'm really trying. For myself, but also for my family. The only family I have and right now, the only family I will ever need.

 ** _Finishing up in my office. E x_**

Setting my cell down on my desk, I clear away the test papers I've been working through and relax back in my seat. I'll just give myself five minutes and then I'm outta here. I've loved being back at work, but it's Friday and I'm ready for the weekend to arrive. _I'm more than ready._ This week has been pretty full on in terms of balancing work and time with our girls, but we've somehow managed it. We've managed and sitting down to dinner together each night has been kinda nice. _That's a lie. It's been awesome._ Just like it used to be before my mood got in the way of everything. Honestly, I haven't had a single bad day this week and I just hope it continues. I hope this good feeling I have lately lasts more than five minutes. I can see how happy it makes Arizona, so yeah…I need this to last.

"There you are…" A familiar soft voice pulling me from my thoughts, I glance up to find Arizona standing in the doorway. "The most beautiful woman in the world…"

"What are you after?" I narrow my eyes, a small smile curling on my mouth.

"You." She shrugs. "And I'm hoping that can happen."

"Oh." I raise an eyebrow. "Is there a particular reason you're trying to win me over?"

"No, but it's a thing I'm working on." She moves further inside my office. "Each morning, I plan to make you fall in love with me. I mean, I know it's not morning, but you left before me, so?"

"Don't waste your time." I stand and round my desk. "I already fall in love with you each morning." My ass resting on the edge of my desk, Arizona closes the distance between us and stands between my legs. "More and more…"

"Yeah?" _Okay, she sounds shocked._ "You do?"

"Of course, I do." My arms wrapping around my wife's waist, I pull her in closer. "Just watching you drinking coffee makes me fall head over heels in love with you…"

"Come away with me…" She whispers against my lips. "Tonight."

"Uh…" Pulling back, I study her face. "I think you're forgetting the fact that we have two small children at home. One…very small."

"So, I kinda did something." Arizona shrugs, her smile widening. "And it was kinda meant to be a surprise but well, I'm telling you now…"

"Telling me what?"

"Mom and dad are collecting the kids from daycare…" She replies. "We have an hour to get home and get some things together."

"W-Why?" I furrow my brow.

"I've booked us into a spa for the weekend." She smiles. "Our wedding anniversary is next Wednesday, right?"

"Right." I nod.

"And I figured we could spend some time alone this weekend and just relax. Mom offered to take care of the kids at our place, so?"

"So, we're going away?" I ask.

"We are." Arizona nods as my hand wraps around her the back of her neck. "Just us. You and me."

"And there it is…"

"What?" She gives me a look of confusion.

"Me…falling in love with you for like the tenth time today." Pulling her into me, my lips press against her own and a low moan rumbles in her throat.

"I cannot wait to really be alone with you…" She runs her thumb across my bottom lip. "Just us. No distractions."

"You think the kids will be okay?" Giving me a look of uncertainty, I'm beginning to think that Arizona is under the impression that I don't want to go. "I'm just asking…"

"The kids will be fine, Eliza." She gives me a sad smile. "If you don't want to go, though?"

"No, I do." I try to reassure my wife. "I promise."

"Okay." Her forehead rests against my own and she releases a slight sigh. "Whatever you want, okay?"

"I want you and me alone in a gorgeous spa," I say with complete certainty. "I want that so much."

"Then…my wish is your command." Pulling me away from my desk, she releases me from her grip. "Come on, beautiful. Let's get outta here."

 _Yes. Now that…I am more than capable of doing._

* * *

"Okay, so should we call and check on the kids?" Stepping up to the huge floor to ceiling window, I rest against the wall surrounding it and take my glass of wine between my lips.

"Again?" Arizona asks. "I only called what? Forty minutes ago…"

"Right, yeah." I clear my throat. "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry." She steps up behind me and wraps her arms around my waist. "If you wanna call again, go for it."

"N-No." I shake my head. "Your mom will think I don't trust her."

"No, she won't." Arizona states. "We haven't left Nevaeh before so she totally gets it."

"Except you have." I scoff. "When I kicked you out."

"Hey…" My wife turns me in her arms and furrows her brow. "None of that is even being discussed, Eliza." She gives me a knowing look. "We are good. We are okay."

"I know but I'm being a needy bitch and you have already spent time away from them…because of me." Disappointed that I'm allowing this to affect our evening, I drop my gaze and Arizona dips her head a little, curling her fingers under my chin.

"Hey…" Her gorgeous smile instantly settling me when my eyes find her own, a small smile of my own curls on my lips. "That's better." Her lips pressing softly against my own, my hand settles on my wife's hip and I feel a little more relaxed. "This weekend is about us."

"I know." I agree. "And I'm really trying to keep it that way…"

"I know you are." She says, confidently. "Tonight we relax and tomorrow we spend the day with treatments and being pampered, yeah?"

"Sounds perfect." I breathe out. "Can we sit for a while?" I ask.

"Of course." Pulling me towards the bed, I climb up and rest back against the headboard. Joining me, Arizona shifts a little and rests her head on my shoulder. "You okay, Eliza?"

"Yeah." I sigh. "I just…I had some things I wanted to say to you…"

"O…kay." She lifts her head, a little worry evident on her face. "W-What is it?"

"Just…these past few weeks have shown me just how strong we are." I take her hand in my own. "You haven't once run since I told you how I was feeling and I know that you never will. Deep down, I've always known that."

"Good."

"But the way I treated you was dreadful and I need you to know that I'm so very sorry." Pressing my lips to the back of my wife's hand, she gives me a sad smile. "I know I always run. I know I'm the one who always messes up in our relationship and I am sorry. So sorry, Arizona."

"You have nothing to apologize for…"

"But I do." I shake my head. "I know I've been feeling really awful, but you didn't deserve any of what I put you through. I mean, we were bordering on divorce and that doesn't sit well with me at all. Just…I hope you really can forgive me for how I treated you."

"There is nothing to forgive." She turns her body a little and faces me fully. "I know you feel bad about it all, but I don't. Now that I know the issues you are…or were having, we can deal with it together. I wouldn't ever want anyone to go through those low moods alone and you know I'm totally here for you."

"I know." I smile. "You mean the world to me, okay?" I shift a little closer to my wife. "No matter what happens, I just need you to know that I love you more than anything in this world. You and our girls."

"Nothing is going to happen." She takes my wine glass from my hand and sets it down on the nightstand. Pulling me into her body, I nuzzle my face into the crook of her neck and release a deep sigh. I'm trying to stop myself from crying but this is my wife. She wouldn't want me to hold anything back, tears included. Allowing them to fall freely, Arizona tightens her grip on my body and holds me like nobody else in this world ever could. There is just something about being held by the one woman who would give up her life for you. "I've got you, baby."

"Thank you," I whisper, my tears beginning to subside. "For everything."

"Anything for you, Eliza."

"And this…" I pull back and glance around the room. "This is incredible."

"Well, you are incredible." She shrugs. "And I wanted to show you that in some kinda way."

"Y-You have." I give her a sad smile. "But you matter just as much in all of this."

"We're in this together." She throws me a wink. "Anything you need…you've got it."

"I just need you." I give my wife a full, genuine smile. "You and our beautiful family…it's all I'll ever need."

"And you are all we will ever need." She leans in, her lips pressing below my ear. "You make us complete, Eliza…don't ever forget that."

"You think we will be okay?"

"Baby, we are so in love that it's ridiculous." She rolls her eyes playfully. "Of course, we will be okay. We are _always_ okay." Relaxing back, Arizona's arms wrapped around me, a comfortable silence falls between us but I'm not concerned. We are both simply taking a moment to just be. We are both processing and we have been for a few weeks now. Yes, I treated my wife terribly, but she is here with me. She is here and holding me…just like she always does. "You know…there may or may not be a bottle of champagne chilling beside the bathtub."

"Oh." I sit up, my eyebrow raised. "Wonder how that happened…"

"I've no idea but remind me to thank them downstairs." Smirking, I know it was my wife's idea. It's just something she would do. It's completely Arizona and yeah…I freaking love it. Climbing from the bed, she pulls me up to my feet and wraps her arms around my waist. "You wanna pop it, or?"

"Only if you're joining me in there…" I narrow my eyes. "It would be rude to relax and drink it alone."

"Damn right it would." She takes my bottom lip between her teeth.

"You know…you seem a little tense." I whisper against her mouth. "Maybe I could give you a massage of my own later tonight."

"Mm…" She smiles, a moan rumbling in her throat. "Now that sounds like my kinda thing."

"Yeah?" I ask.

"Well, _you_ are my kinda thing so a massage from your gorgeous hands sounds like the perfect end to this beautiful day."

Taking me by the hand, my wife guides me into the bathroom and a huge tub awaits us. By huge, I mean really huge. She really has put a lot of thought into this weekend away for us and yeah, I totally want to make the most of it. I mean, I may be worrying six days out of seven, but this is a getaway for us. One that I believe is much needed. Her gorgeous body turning to face me, Arizona gives me one of her soft smiles and motions for me to prepare our bath. The sound of a cork popping, I glance back over my shoulder and watch as she pours two glasses of champagne. "Hey…" I pull her from her duties. "Did I ever tell you how incredibly beautiful you are?"

"You did." Her dimples pop. "Did I ever tell you?"

"All the time." Handing me a glass of champagne, Arizona strips her clothes from her body and my mouth salivates. _Amazing._ Setting my glass down, I begin removing my own clothes and for the first time in what feels like forever, I truly feel good about myself. Yes, we've been intimate a few times since everything got better, but my wife had to be the one instigating it. I don't want it to always be like that. I don't want to feel like I need that extra push to enjoy my marriage. I want to just be me again, and in this moment…I can feel it coming back. I can feel it deep within me trying to rise to the surface.

"After you…" She steps back and allows me to climb into the tub first. "And so you know…we ain't leaving this bathroom any time soon." Climbing in behind me, Arizona pulls my body back against her and reaches for our champagne. "Happy _early_ anniversary, beautiful." Her lips pressing against the back of my neck, my heart rate hasn't felt this normal in a long time.

"God, I love you…"

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.**

* * *

One More Try: Chapter Thirteen

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ARIZONA'S POV

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Perfect. This time alone so far has been absolutely perfect. I don't know if Eliza is genuinely feeling better or if she is just putting on a front so as not to hurt my feelings but something about her seems different. Something about her seems…refreshed. Recharged. Reignited. Something about her gives me the impression that I'm getting my wife back. The woman I fell in love with whilst she sat across a classroom from me. That woman who was so confident and mature for her age. That woman who showed me there was more to life than simply settling. I mean, she picked me up when I was at my lowest and she turned my life into something I never thought I could have. Earth shattering happiness. A love that is so intense that it physically hurt when we weren't together. This woman is my absolute life and even if you don't add kids into the mix…I'd still be perfectly happy. If it was still just Eliza and I, I would be beyond happy with the direction my life took once I allowed her to get close to me. Sure, it didn't take long and some may say it was too soon after my marriage ended, but those people don't see what I see. Those people don't feel what I feel. Yes, we have both messed up and made mistakes since we met, but look at us now. Absolute perfection, regardless of the way my wife is feeling.

Sometimes I can't believe I am blessed to call her my wife. Sometimes I wonder how we ever made it this far. I wonder, but I don't sit on it. I don't think too hard about it. It happened and I couldn't ever imagine my life with anyone else. Eliza is the very epitome of everything love represents and I know that there will always be tough times. That may be true, but I still love her with everything that I am. I always will, and she is beginning to realize that. To understand it. She is beginning to believe that I've totally got her back and that means more to me than anything else.

"Arizona?" The sound of Eliza pulling me from my thoughts, I shift on the bed a little and clear my throat.

"Yeah?"

"Are you busy?" She asks from behind the bathroom door.

"Oh, yeah." I laugh. "My schedule is off the charts right now."

"I just…" The bathroom door opening, I furrow my brow and glance up. "I thought I'd make an effort…"

"H-Holy crap!" My mouth falls open when I find my wife standing in the doorway, her body covered in nothing but black lace. "I, uh…" Squeezing my thighs together, I close my eyes and steady my breathing. "I mean, uh…" _Fucking hell, Robbins! Use your damn words._ Yeah, I got nothing. I have nothing but pure arousal coursing through my body right now and I have to control myself a little longer. If I don't, I'm going to drag her off of her feet and take her like I've never taken her before. _Jesus Christ._

"D-Does it look okay?" Eliza asks, uncertainty in her eyes.

"Does it look okay?" I raise an eyebrow as I climb to my knees on the bed. "Oh, I don't think 'okay' is a word I would use…but sure."

"Should I change?" She asks. "I mean, yeah…I should just change." About to back away, I suddenly grip her wrist and pull her closer to me. "Arizona, it's okay. This is too much...I get it."

"Oh, no." My hands find her ass. "This?" I glance down her body and my eyes land on her cleavage. "This will _never_ be too much…"

"I just wanted to try a little harder…"

"You don't ever have to _try_ anything for me, Eliza." I lean up, my lips pressing against her own. "But right now?" I take my bottom lip between my teeth. "Right now…you're killing me."

"And...that's a good thing, right?" She narrows her eyes, trying to gauge how I'm feeling about this sudden but very welcome surprise.

"Oh yeah," I smirk. "More than a good thing." My fingers curling beneath the waistband of her very sexy panties, I shift my knees from underneath me and pull my wife on top of me, my back connecting with the soft mattress. "You have no idea what you're doing to me right now…" One leg wrapping around her waist, her instant reaction is to grind down against me. "Oh, fuck." My eyes closing as she makes me feel unbelievably good, her nails drag down the back of my thigh and my body shudders.

"I just want to make you feel good…" Her breath washing over my lips, my heart is pounding in my chest. "You deserve to feel good…"

"Oh god…" Her hand slipping further around the back of my thigh, my robe rides up and her fingers disappear. They disappear exactly where I want them to. "E-Eliza…" My back arching a little as she meets my arousal, she pulls back and studies my face.

"Y-You want me to stop." She attempts to pull back but I tighten my grip on her body.

"N-No, please don't stop," I beg. "I just…I need this robe gone."

"Oh…" She smiles as she leans down into another kiss. "Let me fix that for you." Tugging the belt from around my waist, the soft material falls open and the cool air hits my skin. "Better?" My wife asks.

"So much better…"

"You know…" Her lips trail my neck. "Of all the things I've missed since things happened…this is what I've missed most." _God, I love this woman more than life itself._ "And I want us to be good again, Arizona."

"W-We are." Gasping as she takes my nipple between her teeth, my head buries deeper into the mattress and one hand finds her hair. "We're so good…"

"We're not, but we will be." She smiles against my skin. "Tonight I'm taking this back." She moans as she rolls her tongue over my nipple. "Tonight, I'm me."

"I love you…" Breathlessly moaning as my wife dips her hand between our bodies, my eyes focus on her cleavage again and yeah, she's so definitely herself right now.

Straddling my legs and pulling me up into a seated position, Eliza pushes my robe from my shoulders before wrapping her arms around my neck. "I love you, too." Dipping her head, she takes my bottom lip between her teeth and moans in delight as she rolls her hips into me.

"You look incredibly beautiful tonight…" The palm of my hand gliding up her back, my lips trail the skin of her chest before she wraps her legs around my waist. "And I know you're trying."

"I wanna touch you…" Eliza's lips press against my ear. "I wanna touch you so bad, Arizona."

"Do it," I smirk. "You know how much I want you." Her hand dropping and dipping between my legs, she presses her fingertips against my clit and a throaty moan falls from my mouth. "Fuck…"

"You like that, huh?" She smiles as her tongue glides up my neck. "You need more?"

"Y-Yes." I nod, my head falling back on my shoulders. "Fuck, yes." Suddenly finding myself pushed down on the bed, my wife slips her thigh between my own and coats her fingers with my arousal. "O-Oh…"

"Tell me where you need me, Arizona…" She places soft kisses on my stomach.

"All over," I admit, my stomach tightening. "Fuck, I need you all over me." Suddenly pushing two fingers inside of me, my body aches for everything that my wife is. We may have been intimate since I came home, but this is something else. This isn't just us giving each other a little attention. This is everything. Everything and more. _Fuck, this is so much more._

"Fuck, I've missed this…" She smiles against the skin of my neck, her thrusts increasing. "Feeling you around me…"

"Shit." My breathing ragged, I'm desperately trying to hold off on my orgasm. Yes, I want to come so hard for my wife, but this feels too good to end. Honestly, given half the chance I would spend my entire life like this. In her arms. Eliza deep inside of me. The sound of sex filling the air. _Fuck, I'd spend forever like this with her._ Forever. "H-Harder…" I beg.

"Yeah?" She pulls back, a smirk on her gorgeous mouth. "You really wanna feel it, huh?"

"Oh, I feel it." I pant. "Fuck, I feel it…"

Picking up her pace, Eliza rolls her thumb over my clit and my back arches. Now kneeling between my legs, I lift my head to find her watching me. She's watching me and fuck, she looks so hot right now. "You're mine." She smiles. "And I'm yours."

"Y-Yes…" My orgasm approaching, My hands grip the sheet beneath me and Eliza pounds into me. I can feel her grinding against my thigh and I know she is close too. "Shit, I'm c-close." The room slowly disappearing around me, Eliza gives me everything she has, my moans turning into a cry. "Yes, don't stop." My eyes slam shut. "F-Fuck…" My mouth falling open, I silently come undone and my wife slows her pace.

"You're so beautiful." She breathes out, her fingers slowly but surely making me feel incredible.

Gripping her wrist, I stop her movements and my wife glances up at me, tears in her eyes. Pushing up on my hands, I flip our bodies and Eliza is now on her back. "I need you naked with me." Removing her bra, her gorgeous full breasts are on show for me, and only me. "Yeah, I definitely need you naked with me…"

"Arizona…" She moans as I cup her sex, my free hand tugging her panties from her body. "This is about you…"

"No, it's not." I give her a sad smile as my tongue ghosts over her bottom lip. "This is about us, Eliza. It's about you…" I press my lips to her own. "...and it is about me."

"I need you."

"You've got me." I smile, my teeth tugging at her earlobe. "You'll always have me...now, tell me what you need."

"Fuck, I need to come." She tugs at her painfully hard nipple. "I need to come so bad…"

"I know, baby." Disappearing down her body, her lace underwear is thrown from the bed and I settle between her legs. "Let me…" Pressing a kiss to her soaked sex, it's just like I remember. Perfect. _Fuck, she tastes amazing._ "I love you…"

"Oh god." A whimper falling from my wife's lips as I take a long firm lick up the length of her center, my own body is craving this just as much as Eliza is. "Y-Yes…" She forces my mouth against her. "Just like that." Rocking against my mouth, I tease her entrance with my fingertips and she gasps in anticipation. Her thighs trembling. "Please, Arizona…"

Pushing two fingers inside of her, the moan she releases is the hottest thing I've ever heard. _Honestly, I'm close to the edge again._ "Fuck, you're hot." Sucking her throbbing clit between my lips, I can feel her pulsing around me but she needs more. I know she needs more, I can feel it. "Turn over." Pulling out of her, my wife quickly flips onto her stomach, her right leg bent at the knee and lifting her hip a little.

"Arizona, I-" Cutting her off when I push back into her, her breath catches in her throat and I press a kiss to her ass. "Oh god, yes." Rocking back against my hand, my thrusts increase and her walls clamp around my fingers. She loves this position but I didn't want to assume she wanted me this way. Yes, we've made love over the past few weeks, but nothing like this. Nothing so raw and spontaneous. It's been planned. Regimented, if you will.

"God, I wanna feel you come for me…" My words causing her walls to tighten more, I smile against her lower back and push a little deeper. "I want you to feel like you always did when I fucked you good…"

"Shit." Her hands fisting either side of her body, a low moan rumbles in her throat and I know she is about to let go any moment now. I know exactly when my wife is going to come. Climbing to my knees behind her, my left hand slips around her waist and I work her clit just how I know she likes it. Softly. Slowly. "Oh fuck, A-Arizona, baby…oh god."

"Let go, beautiful." My lips ghosting over the skin of her ass, I roll my fingers over her clit once more and fresh arousal coats my fingers. The palm of my hand. Pulling her knees up onto the bed, I lap up everything she has to offer and slow my pace. "So good…" I moan as I lick her arousal from my lips. "You feel so good…" My wife's body sinking into the mattress, I drop down beside her and my arm drapes over her back.

"Arizona…" She breathes out.

"Talk to me, Eliza…"

"I just…" Turning on her side, she pulls her body into my own as close as physically possible. "That, I mean…tonight?" I give her a slight nod. "That is the first time I'm felt like myself for so long."

"Sometimes we just have to let go." I give her a sad smile. "Sometimes we have to _not_ be mom's and we have to relax. Let go."

"I thought I wasn't allowed." She admits. "I thought once we had kids, everything had to change. _I_ had to change."

"No, beautiful." Sitting up on my elbow, I study my wife's incredible eyes and she genuinely believes what she has just told me. "We are so much more than mom's."

"We are?" She furrows her brow.

"Of course, we are." I smile. "Every once in a while…we need this. Just us. That doesn't mean we don't love our kids or want the best for them. It means we need a break at times. It means we deserve a weekend to ourselves and you have to remember that."

"I don't know what I'd do without you…" Eliza leans in and presses her lips to my own.

"Well, you certainly wouldn't have just had your world rocked if you didn't have me." I shrug, trying to lighten the mood. "And…it wouldn't be about to happen all over again right now, either."

"Mm, is that a promise?" Eliza narrows her eyes, her confidence beginning to shine through.

"Would I ever lie to you?" I push her back down on the bed and straddle her legs. "Huh?"

"No…" Her hand resting on the side of my face, I lean into her touch and close my eyes. "You've never let me down yet…"

"And I never will."

* * *

 **Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.**


	14. Chapter 14

**One More Try: Part 3**

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Chapter Fourteen

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ELIZA'S POV

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"Good morning, beautiful…" The sound of my wife's voice pulling me from a deep sleep, I can feel the sunlight hitting my eyes but I don't want to wake yet. Surely it isn't already morning. Surely I have a little while longer. Clearly not, judging by the fact my wife is waking me, the aroma of freshly brewed coffee hitting my senses. "Eliza?"

"Mm?" I crack one eye open to find Nevaeh in my wife's arms. "Is she okay?" I sit upright.

"Of course, she is." Arizona smiles as she drops down beside me on the bed. "She's fine."

"Okay, good." I breathe a sigh of relief. "What time is it?"

"Almost eleven." She shrugs. "Dillon is napping right now but little miss here wasn't down for that plan."

"You want me to take over?" I pull myself up against the headboard and Arizona shakes her head in disagreement. "Why did you let me sleep so long?"

"Because you woke in the night." Leaning in, she presses a kiss below my ear and smiles against my skin. "I know you tried to do it quietly, but I heard you through the monitor."

"I'm sorry." I give my wife a sad smile. "Nevaeh wouldn't settle."

"Don't be sorry…" She waves off my apology. "I like listening to you…"

"You do?" I furrow my brow. "Why?"

"Uh, because it's adorable." She deadpans. "And because I just like it." My wife's eyes closing, Nevaeh is sleeping soundly on her chest and it's a vision I could watch for the rest of my life. Honestly, no matter what we've been through, Arizona and kids will always bring my mood up. I can say that with complete certainty. "You want some breakfast?"

"I can take care of breakfast." I run my fingers through my hair. "I think you've done enough today and it's not even midday."

"Nonsense." She rolls her eyes playfully. "It's my job to look after my girls." Pressing a kiss to our youngest daughter's head, Arizona hands her over to me and climbs from the bed. "Pancakes okay? It was Dillon's choice this morning."

"Pancakes sound perfect, thank you." Giving my wife my best smile, I snuggle down with Nevaeh and give myself a few minutes to wake up. Yeah, I've had way too much sleep but I won't lie…I enjoyed it. Arizona is amazing in every way possible and now that I'm feeling better about things, I don't feel as tense as I once did. Instead of wondering why she is taking care of the kids alone, I just go with it. At one time, I'd have accused her of not trusting me with them, but I know that isn't why she does it. She does it because she loves me and she wants me to feel good. "What do you say we hang out here a little while longer?" Pressing a kiss to Nevaeh's head, she stretches her tiny body out and a smile curls on my mouth. "Sounds good, huh?"

I know I've messed up with my wife these past few months but I need her to know how much I love her. I need us to be okay once and for all. I don't even know how to begin fixing what I've broken, but I feel like I have to do something. Maybe I should just continue to get better for her, I don't know. I mean, I'm lying here with my daughter in my arms. How can I not love this? How can I not feel amazing inside? I know it isn't as simple as that, but I feel like I'm making progress. Instead of feeling shitty and worthless when I look at Nevaeh, I feel pride. Pride for what I created…what we both have. Surely all of that cancels out the crap I've put my wife through. What I've put myself through, too.

I know some days will be better than others, but today is our wedding anniversary and hell will freeze over before I allow my mood to get the better of me. I'm in love. I have the most incredible wife. The most amazing daughters. Yeah, today is going to be a good day and I can feel it. I can feel the love and happiness coursing through my veins. Deciding that I've missed my wife enough, I slowly climb from our warm comfortable bed and fix Nevaeh on my chest. She hasn't made a single sound and that tells me she wants to be in my company. It tells me she loves me and that she feels safe with me. _She should always feel safe with me._ Taking the stairs slowly, I find Arizona in the kitchen preparing breakfast for me.

Stepping up behind her, my hand finds the small of her back and I lean in as she turns her head, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. "Happy anniversary, beautiful." Smiling against my mouth, she turns her body a little and her hand finds my hip.

"The most beautiful wife anyone could ever ask for." Our lips connect again. "And I don't know what I'd do without you, Eliza."

"I think I'm supposed to be saying that to you." I smile. "I love you…"

"I love you too, baby." Releasing me from her grip, she plates up a stack of pancakes and motions for me to sit. "Let me take her while you eat." The warmth of my daughter disappearing from my chest, I glance over my shoulder to find Arizona watching me.

"Thank you…"

"Isn't it ridiculous how good babies smell?" She inhales deeply through her nose as her lips press against Nevaeh's temple. "Like, if you could bottle that up, ugh!"

"I know." I smile. "Nothing quite like it." Shoving a forkful of pancake into my mouth, I moan in appreciation and Arizona smiles. "These are good…"

"Thank Dillon." She shrugs. "She is the one who shoved her hands into the mixture repeatedly."

"Mm, nice." I laugh. "I hope they were clean…"

"No comment." She shakes her head. "I cannot possibly promise you that." Relaxing as her body connects with the couch, her head rests back and her eyes close. "I love mornings like this with you."

"Me too."

"I love everything about you, Eliza…" She glances my way. "Everything. The good and the not so good."

"Thank you." I give her a sad smile. "For being my everything, Arizona."

"Wouldn't have it any other way, beautiful." A silence falling between us, I change my position so I can watch my wife while I eat breakfast. I could spend a lifetime watching her and right now, it's quite the vision. I know she is about to slip into a light sleep, but I don't care. We have the rest of the day to make conversation.

 _We have the rest of our lives, too…_

* * *

"Mommy?" Dillon pulls me from my thoughts as I approach her in the living room. "You beautiful."

"Thank you, baby girl." Leaning down and pressing a kiss to her head, she gives me a smile and a miniature Arizona stares up at me. The dimples. They quite literally match my wife's. "You'll be good for grandma, right?"

"Yes, mommy." Dillon climbs to her feet on the couch and wraps her arms around my neck. "Smell nice."

"I do." I smile. "All for your momma." I throw her a wink. Heading into the kitchen, I find Barbara preparing coffee for herself and Arizona's heels hit the hardwood at the bottom of the staircase. "Thank you for looking after the girls tonight…"

"Oh, honey…it's my pleasure." She gives me a genuine smile. "You and Arizona have some celebrating to do…"

"We do." My wife cuts in, her arm wrapping around my waist. "You look incredible." Her lips press against my ear and my eyes close. "Hard to believe you're mine."

"All yours." I smile, a slight blush creeping up my neck.

"Damn right." She lowers her tone. "You ready to get out of here?" Taking my hand in her own, Barbara throws me a wink and motions for us to both get out of our place. My gorgeous wife beside me, she leans down and presses a kiss to Dillon's head. "Goodnight, big girl."

"Night, momma." She yawns. "See you mornin'?"

"You will." Arizona gives our eldest daughter a full smile. Heading for the front door, we step out onto the porch and the cool evening air fills my lungs. "You really do look amazing…" Arizona turns back to face me.

"You're looking pretty incredible yourself, Professor Robbins," I smirk.

"Oh, Professor, huh?" She narrows her eyes. "It's been a while since you called me that."

"Figured it would suit for tonight." I laugh as we head down the porch. "I did meet you when you were my professor, after all."

"Mm, you did." My wife agrees. "Can't say I ever imagined I'd marry my student."

"No?" I raise an eyebrow. "Because it was _always_ my intention to marry my professor." Leaning into Arizona and giving her a nudge, we both laugh and head down the street towards our favorite restaurant. "Joking aside, I have had the most amazing time with you, Arizona."

"I know." She gives me a genuine smile. "We've had some really shitty times but this right now is perfect."

"Yeah?" My smile widens. "You really believe that?"

"More than anything else in this world…that is the one thing I'm sure of." She laces our fingers. "Times will always be tough, but look at you now. Look at the difference in a few weeks."

"I just needed you," I admit. "I should've realized that sooner and for that, I'm truly sorry."

"It is what it is, beautiful." She sighs. "So long as you remember that I'm here, I'm okay with the rest."

"I do know you're here." My head rests on my wife's shoulder. "I know you've always been here. It's me that wasn't."

"You had stuff going on…" She squeezes my hand.

"Yeah, and that's the problem." I scoff. "I've _always_ got stuff going on…" I roll my eyes. "If it's not one thing, it's another."

"Hey…" She stops us in the street and faces me fully. "If you've got things on your mind, you've got things on your mind." She shrugs. "You aren't the first person to have things dropped on you, Eliza…"

"I know…" I give her a small smile. "I'm just tired of it always being something. I'm tired of wondering when something else is going to come along and mess things up for us."

"So, we won't let it," Arizona says confidently. "We don't let anything come between us ever again."

"Where have I heard that before?" I roll my eyes. "This is all me, Arizona. It always has been and it always will be."

"Oh, I'm sure I'll be the one who messes up somewhere along the way." I know she is trying to reassure me, but the fact of the matter is…I'm the one who is always the cause of the shit hitting the fan. "We're good, Eliza…"

"Oh, I don't doubt that." I shake my head. "Just lucky and so very blessed to have you in my life." I smile. "Thank you for sticking with me, Arizona…"

"Wouldn't wanna _ever_ be stuck with anyone else." She leans in, her teeth taking my bottom lip. "Don't ever forget that."

"Arizona Robbins, I love you." My forehead resting against her own, I take both of her hands and squeeze them tight. "You are the only woman I could ever spend my life with and I still wake wondering what the hell I did to deserve you…"

"Crazy…" She whispers against my mouth. "I think the exact same thing…"

* * *

Stepping out of the restaurant, I take my wife's hand in my own and fall into step with her. Our evening has been beautiful, but it's no longer a surprise to me. Arizona always does our evenings incredibly well. Incredibly well and breathtakingly beautiful. It's one of the things I quickly fell in love with all those years ago. How she always took the lead. How she thought about me before herself and what she wanted. My wife has always been something special and even now that we no longer have to hide, she still is. I often wondered if the fascination would one day wear off. You know, the forbidden student/teacher relationship…but it didn't. Our connection only grew stronger. I think it was around the time of the explosion and how scared I was by it all that I realised just how much I loved her. Just how much I couldn't imagine my life without her in it. Yes, she knew I loved her and so did I, but in that moment…I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. I needed her and I couldn't find her.

I don't think much about that time anymore. It only reminds me of the potential outcome and honestly, my blood runs cold. How I searched for her. How I could visualize her broken and lifeless body as I ran down the street to the billowing smoke. Now we have two kids and we are married. Hard to believe at times but yeah, it's so very very real. Real and better than I ever imagined my life could turn out. I mean, I left this woman. I left her and returned two years later. She was still here waiting for me. She was still in love with me even after all of that hurt and pain I'd put her through. I don't know how she does it, but I'm so happy that she can. I'm so happy that she waited for me and agreed to take me back.

"You're amazing." My words falling from my mouth effortlessly, Arizona glances my way and furrows her brow. "What? You are…"

"Um, thanks." She studies my face.

"I was just thinking…" I shrug as we cross the street. "I almost lost you on this very street, Arizona."

"But you didn't." She gives me a full smile.

"No, I know." I mirror it with one of my own. "But still…that possibility was there."

"I know you struggled with it." She squeezes my hand. "I know it kept you awake at night for a long long time."

"It did." I agree. "I couldn't imagine my life without you then…and I certainly can't imagine my life without you now."

"Good thing I'm not going anywhere." She leans in, her lips pressing below my ear. "You know, I think this year is totally going to be our year…"

"How so?" I ask, genuinely intrigued.

"We have so much to look forward to, Eliza." She pulls me in a little closer, the cool air chilling us both. "We have two gorgeous kids…I have a gorgeous wife…this year is going to be something beautiful."

"Do you think we're complete now?" I ask, a little uncertainty in my voice. We have never discussed having more kids but I don't imagine Arizona would want to go through all of this with me again.

"You mean our family?"

"Yeah, I guess I do," I answer honestly. "Do you think this is it for us?"

"Do you want this to be it for us?" She counters.

"Honestly…I don't know." I give her a sad smile. "Maybe we should just live life and go from there?"

"You know what…that sounds like the perfect idea." Giving me a nod in agreement, my body relaxes a little and I release a slight sigh. "Who knows what the future holds for us…"

"Right now, I believe that I have everything I need," I reply. "But I don't know how I will feel a year or two down the line."

"And that is okay," Arizona reassures me. "We take this one step at a time…" She gives me a knowing look. "We may wake up next month and decide we want more kids or it may never cross our minds again."

"I love how you do that." I give her a full smile. "I love how you just put me at ease and make me forget about everything else."

"Well, what's the point in worrying about something that may never happen?" She shrugs. "I'm here. You're here. Our girls are _more_ than here." Arizona laughs. "We have the absolute world right now, Eliza…and if this is where it all comes full circle for us then I am more than okay with that. So long as I have you by my side…I will always be okay with that."

"One step at a time…" I breathe out. "How about we get home and give our girls a cuddle?"

"God, I love you…" Arizona wraps her arm around my waist.

"I love you, too." My voice breaks.

"Do I get a cuddle, too?" She perks up.

"A cuddle?" I raise an eyebrow. "Oh, Arizona…"

"What?"

"You don't get a cuddle…" I stop us at the end of our street and bring my lips up to her ear. "You get your world rocked. Over and over and over again…"

"Y-Yeah?" Her breath catches as I tug on her earlobe, her scent sending me completely insane.

"My wife deserves all the lovin' in this world…and I'm the one who is going to give it to her."

* * *

 **That's a wrap.**

 **Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed part three…and the first two installments. Your support is overwhelming and so very awesome.**

 **One More Try has officially ended now, but thank you for coming on one hell of a ride with me. I couldn't have done it without you all.**


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